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Is she suffering with a mental illness?
Warning, this will take some time to read.
I am extremely concerned for the mental well being of a family member and I don't know what to do.
This person has been acting very out of the ordinary for quite some time. She's delusional, extremly bitter and obsessive in her thoughts.
When I say she's delusional, she genuinely believes herself to be a slim lady who in her mind looks half her age. You can tell this by the mean comments she makes about the appearance of other women and how she verbally compares herself to them. She will say something like "She's much bigger than me and very plain looking, I don't know what he sees in her." Even though she is in actual fact bigger than the woman in question. She's been looking to find love but refuses to even go on a date with a man who is over 50 years old, they aren't allowed to be grey etc. even though she herself is 65 years old, a size 18-20 in clothes, has a walking stick and is going grey herself. When watching telly she'll point out fit good looking male actors in their 40s and say things such as "See that's the kind of man I want, why can't I find somebody like him. Its because they go for the slappers that's why. It's not fair, I still look good for my age. I'm far too good for all these creepy old men who are past it."
She's very bitter, when it comes to the happiness of others. For example, she has a friend whose husband died a few years back, this friend has now recently found happiness with another man but this family member of mine can't bear it and keeps saying "It's not right that she's got another man so quickly, while I'm still on my own. She got all this sympathy for the loss of her husband but she should just count herself lucky that she's never really had to be alone for so long like I have. She shouldn't be with somebody else so soon, it should be her turn to know what it's like to be on your own." How cruel is that and this is her attitude towards so many people and different things, not just her love life. When her best friends mother was dying, this family member of mine actually said "I can't wait for her mother to die, then she'll know what it's like to be on her own." She found out recently that a neighbour of hers who she has had trouble with in the past, is having a Down syndrome grandchild and when she found out about this, she no word of a lie did an evil happy cackle and went "Yes! She's got her comeuppance!" I was seriously shocked. I could go on with examples of how warped her mindset can be at times but I'd be here all day, so I'll move on to the next part.
She becomes abnormally fixtated and obsessed with people and situations, to the point she genuinely won't think or talk about anything else, sometimes even for months on end. She admits that she lets this affect her so badly, she'll stay up all night crying and obsessing over things. She recently started seeing a man she met on a dating website. As far as I'm aware, they've only met with eachother a couple of times and now this man has told her his ex is back on the scene and that he might be getting back with her. She's taken this so badly, she's acting as if they were married for years. She's been ringing up every single one of us in her family, one after the other every night to talk about this man, she's so far sent my mother over 100 extremly long text messages just since yesterday about this man, going on and on about this mans ex, coming up with all these different scenarios as to why he doesn't want to see her anymore, making loads and loads of assumptions etc. if you could read the content of these texts, then you would know what I mean when I say it's beyond normal. Even people who have been married for years and are then left by their actual partner don't get the way she's getting.
My mother has a job, a disabled husband, a newborn baby and a 4 year old to see to but this family member is harassing her with the constant barrage of texts and calls and making my mother out to be bad for not being able to answer her about this man straight away, when my mother has so much on her plate. Anyway, me and my mum managed to get round and see her and this family member looked very spaced out and was rocking backwards and fowards in her chair, acting so so strange. It's almost like she was in some kind of trance, with the glazed look in her eye, the rocking back and forth and the fast excessive speech about this man she has met only a couple of times.
To top all this off, she keeps repeating herself over and over and over and over lately and we're worried she may be getting a touch of dementia too but she's the kind of person who will be outraged at you suggesting such a thing.
She can be such a lovely person at times, very generous and giving too. That's why we believe she's not well in some way and that this isn't the real her but we just don't know what to do for her.
If anybody else has had any experience with somebody similar, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am extremely concerned for the mental well being of a family member and I don't know what to do.
This person has been acting very out of the ordinary for quite some time. She's delusional, extremly bitter and obsessive in her thoughts.
When I say she's delusional, she genuinely believes herself to be a slim lady who in her mind looks half her age. You can tell this by the mean comments she makes about the appearance of other women and how she verbally compares herself to them. She will say something like "She's much bigger than me and very plain looking, I don't know what he sees in her." Even though she is in actual fact bigger than the woman in question. She's been looking to find love but refuses to even go on a date with a man who is over 50 years old, they aren't allowed to be grey etc. even though she herself is 65 years old, a size 18-20 in clothes, has a walking stick and is going grey herself. When watching telly she'll point out fit good looking male actors in their 40s and say things such as "See that's the kind of man I want, why can't I find somebody like him. Its because they go for the slappers that's why. It's not fair, I still look good for my age. I'm far too good for all these creepy old men who are past it."
She's very bitter, when it comes to the happiness of others. For example, she has a friend whose husband died a few years back, this friend has now recently found happiness with another man but this family member of mine can't bear it and keeps saying "It's not right that she's got another man so quickly, while I'm still on my own. She got all this sympathy for the loss of her husband but she should just count herself lucky that she's never really had to be alone for so long like I have. She shouldn't be with somebody else so soon, it should be her turn to know what it's like to be on your own." How cruel is that and this is her attitude towards so many people and different things, not just her love life. When her best friends mother was dying, this family member of mine actually said "I can't wait for her mother to die, then she'll know what it's like to be on her own." She found out recently that a neighbour of hers who she has had trouble with in the past, is having a Down syndrome grandchild and when she found out about this, she no word of a lie did an evil happy cackle and went "Yes! She's got her comeuppance!" I was seriously shocked. I could go on with examples of how warped her mindset can be at times but I'd be here all day, so I'll move on to the next part.
She becomes abnormally fixtated and obsessed with people and situations, to the point she genuinely won't think or talk about anything else, sometimes even for months on end. She admits that she lets this affect her so badly, she'll stay up all night crying and obsessing over things. She recently started seeing a man she met on a dating website. As far as I'm aware, they've only met with eachother a couple of times and now this man has told her his ex is back on the scene and that he might be getting back with her. She's taken this so badly, she's acting as if they were married for years. She's been ringing up every single one of us in her family, one after the other every night to talk about this man, she's so far sent my mother over 100 extremly long text messages just since yesterday about this man, going on and on about this mans ex, coming up with all these different scenarios as to why he doesn't want to see her anymore, making loads and loads of assumptions etc. if you could read the content of these texts, then you would know what I mean when I say it's beyond normal. Even people who have been married for years and are then left by their actual partner don't get the way she's getting.
My mother has a job, a disabled husband, a newborn baby and a 4 year old to see to but this family member is harassing her with the constant barrage of texts and calls and making my mother out to be bad for not being able to answer her about this man straight away, when my mother has so much on her plate. Anyway, me and my mum managed to get round and see her and this family member looked very spaced out and was rocking backwards and fowards in her chair, acting so so strange. It's almost like she was in some kind of trance, with the glazed look in her eye, the rocking back and forth and the fast excessive speech about this man she has met only a couple of times.
To top all this off, she keeps repeating herself over and over and over and over lately and we're worried she may be getting a touch of dementia too but she's the kind of person who will be outraged at you suggesting such a thing.
She can be such a lovely person at times, very generous and giving too. That's why we believe she's not well in some way and that this isn't the real her but we just don't know what to do for her.
If anybody else has had any experience with somebody similar, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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I'm 60 and have recently been diagnosed with rosacea, my face now looks a mess, but the worst part is my eyes are constantly sore, there's no cure and doctors and eye experts just guess as much as I do as to what can suppress the symptoms, but still my eyes are sore every single day, as they have been for about 12 months now.
I'm seriously looking at ways to check out now, 60 is enough for me, no point in being very unhappy for another 5, 10 or 15 years, animals get put down to save them suffering, but we just prolong the misery.
1. @ Unknown 20. As she is showing signs of distress and a need to talk, why not gently suggest that she visits her GP and asks to access some form of counselling. Counselling or CBT might also address her more long term issues i.e. bitterness etc. which might well have contributed to the failure of the recent relationship by scaring the man off. Good luck with this.
2. @ Vinnie Vega. You naughty boy - you shouldn't be thinking like that. At 60 you have a lot more to experience and offer. I am 64 and have just experienced a year of horrible medical problems which have left me with seriously reduced mobility and pain which has to be controlledd on a daily basis. Yes it has made me low and angry at times, but I have learned to use that anger to insist on the best medical care I can get for my condition.
What has helped a great deal is the concept of mindfulness - paying more attention to the present moment – to your own thoughts and feelings, and to the world around you and finding connections and meanings. It is particularly useful in accessing your creativity. I am a painter, but everyone has a creative core of some kind, and creating anything brings a sense of fulfilment. I know your condition may be painful, but I am certain, at 60, you still have so much to offer and enjoy. All the very best.
She doesn't sound delusional in a medical sense from what you have said - but her general bitterness and obsessive thinking do signal depression. Also, she sounds physically under strain, is getting older and clearly feels unhappy with her lot, so it wouldn't be surprising.
You could speak to her GP and raise concerns about her mental health. My elderly MIL is much like this and I spoke directly to her GP last year about her mental health and the affect it was having on my husband's health( her son) and she did start receiving counselling/support with a few weeks.
You can speak to the GP in confidence and they will not tell the patient who has raised concerns, or that concerns have been raised, but they can factor it it when the see the patient. My MIL has no idea I spoke to her GP .
I would agree with the poster above about CBT and Mindfulness- if the patient is receptive to self-help they can literally be life changing therapies.
There are many things that could be causing this behaviour and it would be wise to get her checked out.
For example:
I'm not saying this is what she has but, it gives you an idea as to what might be happening.
So why bother posting when you've no advice, nothing good to say and just sharing your own issue???
To the OP - it can be really hard to know what to do for the best especially if you feel you're not going to be able to persuade her to see her doctor.
If you haven't already done so, you can try talking to her and letting her know what your concerns are for her and what you're observing. Be gentle but also be clear and direct. Be supportive, not judgmental and suggest that perhaps she may find it helpful to talk to her doctor about how she's feeling.
If she refuses then your options are very limited. You, or another family member, can ask to see her doctor to tell him/her about the concerns. Let the doctor know that you just want to provide the information and share your concerns. How the doctor responds to what you say will be for him/her to decide.
It's also often important to be clear what you can offer by way of support and contact but also be clear about what you're not prepared to do. It can be very draining and frustrating trying to help or support someone who, for whatever reason, is not able to or willing to seek help for themselves.
You are such a mean sounding individual (I have seen similar comments on various subjects/threads from you), Something will come and bite you at some time during your dubious existence on this earth.
My only suggestion is to try and get her to her GP, but I know this is much easier said than done. If this isn't possible, I would advise the closest family member to her contacting the GP and explaining the situation, especially with regard to the fact you worry it could be something like dementia because of the changes in her attitude and her repeating herself.
I know sometimes symptoms of dementia can cause a person to really change their personality, and they can act really nasty and lack empathy but that is an extreme and obviously I don't know her and I'm not a doctor! But best keep an eye on her as she does sound very unhappy and poorly.
I know form experience that some people, when they realise they are getting old and are alone and can no longer find it easy to sexually attract someone, they can become extremely bitter, spiteful and obsessive, especially to younger women or happily married people. I have an older lady tell people a terrible lie about me of Facebook that was 100% untrue, I suspect, to get back at my father got married in his 60s. I don't think she liked him finding love after retirement when she had been separated from her own husband and had no-one new.
I wish you and the family luck and hope - but deffo talk to a GP before her illness or behaviour (whichever it is) causes more family problems.
Oh for Pete's sake ^_^ It's a discussion forum, not a karmic religious circle. It's true, I don't have much time for people like her. I find they suck the life out of those around them, spread unhappiness and discord, and that whatever you do makes no difference to the way they operate. So I'd suggest to the OP they have as little to do with this individual as possible.
That would be my way of handling it.
It is possible she does have some mental problems, including the onset of dementia, but that may be for her immediate family to address - the OP doesn't really mention who else, family wise, is involved in her life, apart from her and her Mum. Besides which she might well become even more resentful and aggressive if somebody calls in Social Services or the mental health team - whatever.
I'm not here to offer up tea, sympathy and hugs - I'll leave that to others. I will, however, give my honest opinion.
By the way your comment about something biting me is an utterly inane one, as you know nothing about my life, nor what has already happened to me.
he refers to mentally ill people as "looney tunes psycho" `nuff said.
I agree with your quote and that this may well be dementia.
Something similar happened to my father (who died a few years ago now) . Ten years later my Dad was diagnosed with "vasculor dementia". ( Reduced Blood flow - presume due to a lifetime of smoking. )
Unknown 20 - if at all possible get her to see her GP to be tested.
He didn't have the love issues that your family member has, but it was a gradual 'personality change" with negative & obsessive features which sounds similar. We did not have a clue as he was not showing classic signs of dementia as we understood it and his doctor was poor. ( The classic signs are in the link, but don't be misled by these.)
Someone will probably have to go with her to the docs. We regret not doing that now. She may be lucky and find it's a type that responds to early treatment or convince her how beneficial it will be to have a clean bill of health from GP - something less to worry about.
Here's what to expect, tests etc
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/dementia-guide/Pages/dementia-diagnosis-tests.aspx
Yes, as I stated in the thread which you conveniently didn't link to, so as to boost your cheap shot, the ones who kill innocent people like the old boy in the car shunt, because of their condition.
That do you?
I'm definitely not ever going to feel sympathy for the killer of an innocent person, irrespective of their mental condition. If you want to that's your call.
you reserve it just for mentally ill people who do violent things when they are ill and you think you should be giving advice on the subject.
edit:
http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2151506
you start with
and it`s downhill from there.
So what?
Why should I feel the slightest grain of pity for somebody who has murdered or maimed an innocent person?
Whether mentally ill or not, or conveniently blaming their illness, 100% of my sympathy goes to the innocent person, and I reserve the right to use precisely what words I choose to describe the individuals who perpetrate such acts. I'd feel it was an insult to the memory and family of the killed person, to do any other.
How does that in any way negate my ability to analyse a situation and give reasonable advice? Sympathy for violent mentally ill patients who have killed is not a pre-requisite. In fact I'd say it was a positive drawback to a practical way forward.
you know nothing about the subject as evidenced by your inability to grasp the basic concept of psychosis but feel qualified to give some advice on the subject.
i note that you feel entitled to do so in the face of your complete and utter ignorance of the subject and insistence upon using heavily abusive terms and ideas about the mentally ill.
i see no problem at all in bringing your poor attitude and lack of knowledge of mental health to attention in a thread where someone is asking for advice on it.
too late to edit:
and when you did not even come in to give advice but your opinion.
have a word with yourself.
I agree with you she's a self indulgent cow