As is par for the course when the summer holidays start, new member starts 'edgy' thread, tests the water with a controversial post, disappears never to be seen in the thread again.
BIB. This is what I tried to say, but I got ridiculed and hated because I've not been on the forum for long. I'm now afraid to post anything on here.
I agree with you Danny (and not with Trollhunter); I think you have been very badly treated on here for doing nothing worse than posting about a story that had just been discussed on the radio. You said nothing controversial, let alone bannable.
It's an interesting topic, and thought provoking. All I can say in explanation for the nasty posts is that the topic of race nearly always goes down badly on this forum.
People are rude and nosy and judgmental.
I can see why (unfortunately) adoptive parents may not want to open themselves up to the questioning that they'll (unfortunately) get from total strangers if they adopt a child of a different ethnicity to themselves.
I agree with you Danny (and not with Trollhunter); I think you have been very badly treated on here for doing nothing worse than posting about a story that had just been discussed on the radio. You said nothing controversial, let alone bannable.
It's an interesting topic, and thought provoking. All I can say in explanation for the nasty posts is that the topic of race nearly always goes down badly on this forum.
I take it we all know black people are less likely to adopt than whites?
And for some time there has been a reluctance to place black children with white couples because of "cultural differences". As odd as that might seem to many.
Quite right..there is nothing unsubstantiated,deeply insulting or provaocative at all about a remark like this is there
Poor victimised 'Danny Silver' >:(
I think that is a realistic suggestion for the reasons black boys are not seen as popular choices by prospective adopters. (Though of course it is also true that those allocating adoptive children vary wildly in how flexible they are about ethnic matching.)
Still, to take the contentious matter of race out of the equation, boys are far more likely to be convicted of crimes than girls.
And I do think that there is a degree of mismatch between prospective adopters and adoptees; not in every case, obviously, but in some. I have come to this conclusion based on my experience and long conversations with two friends who have adopted. Adoptive parents are skewed towards the middle classes, and adoptees are skewed towards the very deprived. Especially with children past toddlerhood, they have had a lot of life experience already, a lot of it bad. There is something that can cause discord about a child who may already have learning difficulties and behavioural problems coming into the kind of family that has rooms full of bookcases and a much loved piano. All three of us who know each other well enough to discuss it have had a similar feeling: that the adopted child can feel uncomfortable and inferior if their parents' friends' children are all super-academic, keen, confident middle class children, for ever chattering about their out of school activities. And adopting parents, unless properly prepared for this, can start to feel disappointed that all their friends' children seem to be achieving things, getting recognition for those achievements, and later on putting in the groundwork for a good university degree and profession.
You have to be the kind of person who is genuinely relaxed and happy if your adopted child does poorly at school, doesn't behave that well as a teenager, maybe gets pregnant or gets on the wrong side of the law, hopefully in small ways. When I said that there was a mismatch between my parents and my adopted brother, I mean exactly this: after a string of shy, bookish, clever biological children they could not cope at all with the young tearaway who kept having to be collected from the police station, and not always for small things.
I do think the reason for the very long-standing preference for girls is just that: people think that 'disturbed' boys will be a hell of a lot of trouble.
I expect it's the hair. Afro hair can be very hard to manage. I wouldn't know where to start.
It is an issue, though presumably not a deal breaker. Black people who have been fostered or adopted sometimes do say that the person looking after them had no idea how to make their hair look nice.
Maybe the question should be "why are there a disproportionate number of black children up for adoption?"
Yes - shouldn't that be the issue asked first. Because its disproportionately high compared to other ethnic groups. Surely it's the parents who are the issue - not the adopters.
Yes - shouldn't that be the issue asked first. Because its disproportionately high compared to other ethnic groups. Surely it's the parents who are the issue - not the adopters.
Adoptions from Care:
3,980 children were adopted from care during the year ending 31st March 2013, compared to 3,470 in 2012.
Age
The average age at adoption in the year ending 31st March 2013 was 3 years 8 months
2% (90) of children adopted during the year ending 31st March 2013 were under 1 year old
74% (2,960) were aged between 1 and 4 years old
21% (850) were aged between 5 and 9 years old
2% (70) were aged between 10 and 15 years old
<1% (10) were aged 16 and over
Gender
51% (2,010) of children adopted during the year ending 31st March 2013 were boys and 49% (1,970) were girls.
Ethnicity
78% (53,030) of children looked after on 31st March 2013 were white
9% (6,090) were of mixed racial background
4% (2,620) were Asian or Asian British
7% (4,470) were Black or Black British
2% (1,390) were from other ethnic groups
1% (500) were other (refused or information not yet available)
It's interesting that it doesn't list a statistic for children with disabilities, the least-likely group to be adopted. Especially those with additional disabilities.
People are rude and nosy and judgmental.
I can see why (unfortunately) adoptive parents may not want to open themselves up to the questioning that they'll (unfortunately) get from total strangers if they adopt a child of a different ethnicity to themselves.
Makes no difference. My biological mother is a blue-eyed white blonde and when we were out in public, people asked her all the time if I was adopted. My biological father is ethnically Japanese and people asked him if I was adopted.
People also assumed he was mixed race and/or adopted because he's 6' 2" (his British ethnically Japanese father was 6' 4" and his British ethnically Japanese mother is 5' 2"). People do have funny notions about how people should look.
Edited:
Forgot to say that my white cousin has brown eyes and brown hair, and her parents and siblings are blue-eyed blondes. She has been asked almost all her life if she was adopted. So it affects some white people as well.
Makes no difference. My biological mother is a blue-eyed white blonde and when we were out in public, people asked her all the time if I was adopted. My biological father is ethnically Japanese and people asked him if I was adopted.
People also assumed he was mixed race and/or adopted because he's 6' 2" (his British ethnically Japanese father was 6' 4" and his British ethnically Japanese mother is 5' 2"). People do have funny notions about how people should look.
Edited:
Forgot to say that my white cousin has brown eyes and brown hair, and her parents and siblings are blue-eyed blondes. She has been asked almost all her life if she was adopted. So it affects some white people as well.
It does make a difference to some people... Having a child of a different ethinicity to yourself or having 2 (or more) children who appear to be of different ethnicities makes total strangers think that they can ask you all sorts of questions, and interrogate your children for an explanation. Adopters may not want to open themselves up to that scrutiny and rudeness from random people.
I have 2 mixed-race children, my 5 year old son looks white and has blond hair whereas my 3 year old daughter has much darker skin and afro hair. Adults have told my son that his sister can't really be his sister and that she must be adopted, my son has been called stupid by children in the park for believing that my daughter is his sister.
I've been questioned (and called names) by total strangers in the street about why I have 2 children of different ethnicities especially given the age gap.
They're my biological children and so the fact that they look so different despite both having the same backgrounds is purely down to pot-luck, I can see though why people who get to make a choice about their childrens ethnicities would try to minimise the questioning that they and the kids could come to face.
"I would like to adopt a child please, no not that one, I want a black one" Sounds odd, which is why people perhaps rarely ask.
Not to mention adoption agencies tend to keep people to their own race, as to try to retain some level of identity. I think thats wrong but then I am not all knowing, but it is the way it is.
No one in my immediate family has ever really given a shit about other peoples opinions regarding the matter of our difference in colour. We're not embarrassed about it.
Maybe the people who would rather adopt a child of their own colour are the same sort of people who would rather marry/have a relationship with someone of their own colour?
If I were to adopt, I know that I'd definitely would feel reluctant about adopting a nonwhite child, simply because they wouldn't feel as much mine if they weren't white.
That is probably the reason why it is rare for black parents to adopt a white child.
I agree with you Danny (and not with Trollhunter); I think you have been very badly treated on here for doing nothing worse than posting about a story that had just been discussed on the radio. You said nothing controversial, let alone bannable.
It's an interesting topic, and thought provoking. All I can say in explanation for the nasty posts is that the topic of race nearly always goes down badly on this forum.
Comments
I actually quite like Diane Abbott, but am the first to admit she often opens her gob before she engages her brain.
What a silly thing to say, for all you know he could have bought it for the back page, telly page or whatever.
I agree with you Danny (and not with Trollhunter); I think you have been very badly treated on here for doing nothing worse than posting about a story that had just been discussed on the radio. You said nothing controversial, let alone bannable.
It's an interesting topic, and thought provoking. All I can say in explanation for the nasty posts is that the topic of race nearly always goes down badly on this forum.
I can see why (unfortunately) adoptive parents may not want to open themselves up to the questioning that they'll (unfortunately) get from total strangers if they adopt a child of a different ethnicity to themselves.
You forgot to mention how ugly she is.
Thank you, I love you!
And you have alot of post! you've made my day.
Thank god for people like you.
what country are you from?
Quite right..there is nothing unsubstantiated,deeply insulting or provaocative at all about a remark like this is there
Poor victimised 'Danny Silver' >:(
And for some time there has been a reluctance to place black children with white couples because of "cultural differences". As odd as that might seem to many.
I think that is a realistic suggestion for the reasons black boys are not seen as popular choices by prospective adopters. (Though of course it is also true that those allocating adoptive children vary wildly in how flexible they are about ethnic matching.)
Still, to take the contentious matter of race out of the equation, boys are far more likely to be convicted of crimes than girls.
And I do think that there is a degree of mismatch between prospective adopters and adoptees; not in every case, obviously, but in some. I have come to this conclusion based on my experience and long conversations with two friends who have adopted. Adoptive parents are skewed towards the middle classes, and adoptees are skewed towards the very deprived. Especially with children past toddlerhood, they have had a lot of life experience already, a lot of it bad. There is something that can cause discord about a child who may already have learning difficulties and behavioural problems coming into the kind of family that has rooms full of bookcases and a much loved piano. All three of us who know each other well enough to discuss it have had a similar feeling: that the adopted child can feel uncomfortable and inferior if their parents' friends' children are all super-academic, keen, confident middle class children, for ever chattering about their out of school activities. And adopting parents, unless properly prepared for this, can start to feel disappointed that all their friends' children seem to be achieving things, getting recognition for those achievements, and later on putting in the groundwork for a good university degree and profession.
You have to be the kind of person who is genuinely relaxed and happy if your adopted child does poorly at school, doesn't behave that well as a teenager, maybe gets pregnant or gets on the wrong side of the law, hopefully in small ways. When I said that there was a mismatch between my parents and my adopted brother, I mean exactly this: after a string of shy, bookish, clever biological children they could not cope at all with the young tearaway who kept having to be collected from the police station, and not always for small things.
I do think the reason for the very long-standing preference for girls is just that: people think that 'disturbed' boys will be a hell of a lot of trouble.
It is an issue, though presumably not a deal breaker. Black people who have been fostered or adopted sometimes do say that the person looking after them had no idea how to make their hair look nice.
Yes - shouldn't that be the issue asked first. Because its disproportionately high compared to other ethnic groups. Surely it's the parents who are the issue - not the adopters.
Statistics: England (BAAF: Adopting & Fostering) http://www.baaf.org.uk/res/statengland
It's interesting that it doesn't list a statistic for children with disabilities, the least-likely group to be adopted. Especially those with additional disabilities.
Makes no difference. My biological mother is a blue-eyed white blonde and when we were out in public, people asked her all the time if I was adopted. My biological father is ethnically Japanese and people asked him if I was adopted.
People also assumed he was mixed race and/or adopted because he's 6' 2" (his British ethnically Japanese father was 6' 4" and his British ethnically Japanese mother is 5' 2"). People do have funny notions about how people should look.
Edited:
Forgot to say that my white cousin has brown eyes and brown hair, and her parents and siblings are blue-eyed blondes. She has been asked almost all her life if she was adopted. So it affects some white people as well.
The blacklash surely?
It does make a difference to some people... Having a child of a different ethinicity to yourself or having 2 (or more) children who appear to be of different ethnicities makes total strangers think that they can ask you all sorts of questions, and interrogate your children for an explanation. Adopters may not want to open themselves up to that scrutiny and rudeness from random people.
I have 2 mixed-race children, my 5 year old son looks white and has blond hair whereas my 3 year old daughter has much darker skin and afro hair. Adults have told my son that his sister can't really be his sister and that she must be adopted, my son has been called stupid by children in the park for believing that my daughter is his sister.
I've been questioned (and called names) by total strangers in the street about why I have 2 children of different ethnicities especially given the age gap.
They're my biological children and so the fact that they look so different despite both having the same backgrounds is purely down to pot-luck, I can see though why people who get to make a choice about their childrens ethnicities would try to minimise the questioning that they and the kids could come to face.
Not to mention adoption agencies tend to keep people to their own race, as to try to retain some level of identity. I think thats wrong but then I am not all knowing, but it is the way it is.
If I were to adopt, I know that I'd definitely would feel reluctant about adopting a nonwhite child, simply because they wouldn't feel as much mine if they weren't white.
That is probably the reason why it is rare for black parents to adopt a white child.
Good points wd
A bit like Waynetta Slob wanting a "brahn baby".:D