I didn't imply that she should do anything or feel a certain way.
Sexual harrassment isn't exlusive to males so not sure why you single out men to learn what is acceptable and appropriate behaviour. Everyone should be responsible for their own behaviour.
Nobody has undermined her feelings. She has been given good advice.
I was on my way to college and leaving the station A man approached me giving leaflets out (he is there every wednesday) I said no thanks he then followed me down the street saying " can i have your number ?" i said i am taken and he asked me to go for lunch " i ignored him i was trying to cross the road i stood there and he turned and went back up the street i thought he was going to follow me all the way to college ! It was scary its not like it was a one of i have to see this man every Wednesday.
I am hoping he will leave me alone but what if he doesn't !
anyone else have the same issue
If this was the first time he'd done it, the police probably wouldn't class it as sexual harrassment, just someone trying their luck with getting a first date. If however he's done this several times, it could be more serious and I'd make it clear you might go to the police if he doesn't stop.
The male taking the lead is not so predominant in the Western world as it used to be - things are a lot more relaxed now.
Sexual harrassment is everywhere, we all know it - the point is we don't make excuses for it, or tolerate it if it makes us feel uncomfortable or intimidated. Men are not children - they should know better.
You have totally ignored my core question which was:
Do you consider that "sexual harrassment" also takes place in the natural world, where in just about every courtship / pre-mating ritual of which I am aware, the male takes the assertive lead?
If so it seems to be a hard-wired fact to a greater or lesser degree, of male biology.
Women have pursued me as well which must come as quite a shock to the men hating control freaks, victim players and law abusers, who want it all the females way.
Of course these females are just interested in getting to know me better whether I'm interested or not. That is normal and has been for hundreds of years before this new mindset came along and worked out that they could stamp their feet, make disgusting false accusations and abuse laws to control people as they saw fit.
How come you have elected yourself and expert on this and the only correct one?
You sound frightfully domineering and controlling. Have you been really hurt by a man once and decided to take revenge on them all to get your way and ignore all reasoned argument?
Oh dear. It appears that the OP is somewhat over-sensitive. There is a huge difference between sexual-harrassment and just the annoyances of day-to-day life.
Yes indeed! And to belittle real cases, abuse laws and make false accusations just to control others doing normal things says so much about the person who does it. Whether they are male or female.
It's a classic case of someone who has learnt that playing the victim and making false accusations, gets them the attention they pine for.
You clearly don't understand the meaning of sexual harrassment.
In days gone by, it used to be defined/excused as men being men, just one of those things, etc - which is why sexual harrassment laws were introduced in the first place -when people were no longer prepard to make excuses for such people.
It seems some are still doing the excusing bit. Doesn't change the fact - that the rest of us recognise it for what it is.
Just "Men being men"? There seems to be no thought in your head that women can sexually harass as well. It's all men with you and you want to play the victim.
Women have pursued me as well which must come as quite a shock to the men hating control freaks, victim players and law abusers, who want it all the females way.
Of course these females are just interested in getting to know me better whether I'm interested or not. That is normal and has been for hundreds of years before this new mindset came along and worked out that they could stamp their feet, make disgusting false accusations and abuse laws to control people as they saw fit.
Oh I felt intimidated! :rolleyes:
I think most - in fact pretty much all - men have been on the receiving end at some time or other of female behaviour that meets the definition of what is being labelled here "sexual harassment".
It might vary in frequency and intensity between the two sexes, but the idea that their is one sexually harassing and one sexually harassed sex in the way being caricatured here is very far from the truth.
Just "Men being men"? There seems to be no thought in your head that women can sexually harass as well. It's all men with you and you want to play the victim.
It's you who clearly doesn't know the meaning.
Oh for Christ's sake - yes women do sexually harass, but we all know it is far more of a male problem - so therefore it makes sense to concentrate on the men. Attempting to deflect the problem onto women - is no way of addressing the discussion.
Oh for Christ's sake - yes women do sexually harass, but we all know it is far more of a male problem - so therefore it makes sense to concentrate on the men. Attempting to deflect the problem onto women - is no way of addressing the discussion.
So sexual harassment as such isn't a problem - only sexual harassment against women.
Oh for Christ's sake - yes women do sexually harass, but we all know it is far more of a male problem - so therefore it makes sense to concentrate on the men. Attempting to deflect the problem onto women - is no way of addressing the discussion.
I think you just seem to see it as mainly men doing it. Hence the way you begrudgingly accept that it happens to men, but women have it much worse.
I am the innocent one there is no one to walk with i do sometimes see a lad on train who walks the same way i may get him to walk with me if i see him.
I hope he doesn't complain that he is being harassed by you.
Yes indeed! And to belittle real cases, abuse laws and make false accusations just to control others doing normal things says so much about the person who does it. Whether they are male or female.
It's a classic case of someone who has learnt that playing the victim and making false accusations, gets them the attention they pine for.
That last paragraph of yours is a classic case of making unfounded allegations.
Obviously your strategy is one perpetuated by many men - always blame the women for being over-sensitive and playing the victim, afterall the men are just doing what comes naturally. I'm sure the police have heard that a thousand times.
Obviously your strategy is one perpetuated by many men - always blame the women for being over-sensitive and playing the victim, afterall the men are just doing what comes naturally. I'm sure the police have heard that a thousand times.
If someone was being sexually harassed by a leaflet distributing eastern European asking for phone numbers they would report the matter to the police not complain about it on a public forum.
That last paragraph of yours is a classic case of making unfounded allegations.
Obviously your strategy is one perpetuated by many men - always blame the women for being over-sensitive and playing the victim, afterall the men are just doing what comes naturally. I'm sure the police have heard that a thousand times.
I agree with this. Some apologists here seem very defensive, which suggests they did it themselves. Oh dear.
Off topic slightly but how come Liz Kershaw has got off so lightly with the media furore and I have to see her cheesy mug on that BBC advert at the moment, baffles me.
And OP yes sounds a pest but not exactly sexual harassment, what are his leaflets for, is he God squad?
WTF has this world come to? Someone asks for your phone number and that is sexual harassment? :rolleyes:
How on earth did you meet your current attachment? Did you first correspond for 10 years from separate concrete cells wrapped in bubble wrap?
It's a wonder anyone has a relationship nowadays with all this utterly stupid and damaging false accusation and attention seeking.
Asking once is fine, persisting when someone has said no is harassment.
And as she said, it wasn't the first time, and she is worried about aggression or violence if she continues to turn him down. This is something that I think doesn't occur to men. You don't know if the normal looking guy is going to turn into a screaming psycho when rejected.
OP, take one of his leaflets or get a friend to if you want to avoid him, then call the company and report him.
Personally I have always felt that a guy coming up to me in a bar was acceptable since a bar is place of social interaction and that is implicitly accepted by going there. On the street being approached is much less acceptable since people are just wandering around getting on with life, there can be no implicit invitation in that.
All of that said where ever an overture is made if it is met with a negative response then any attempt to continue the interaction is out of order. Not interested means just that.
In the scenario given where the OP was just walking in the street the initial overture was inappropriate, the refusal to take a negative response as a sign to leave it crosses the line to harassment. Following someone who has told you no to a request for their number and continuing to ask them out is blatantly ignoring the clear signal to bugger off imo and at that point it becomes inexusable.
Roland Mouse and anyone else who thinks this thread is a lot of fuss about nothing, please read this article about street harrassment and approaching women you don't know.
I agree with this. Some apologists here seem very defensive, which suggests they did it themselves. Oh dear.
Threads like this always remind me of just what a problem sexual harrassment has and, sadly, continues to be.
As long as people refuse to hold men accountable for their behaviour and insist on blaming the women all the time with ridiculous comments such as women being inappropriately dressed, over-sensitive, attention-seeking or loving to play the victim - the more it makes you realise that maybe we haven't moved on as far as we hoped.
Comments
She has been given good advice by some.
If this was the first time he'd done it, the police probably wouldn't class it as sexual harrassment, just someone trying their luck with getting a first date. If however he's done this several times, it could be more serious and I'd make it clear you might go to the police if he doesn't stop.
You have totally ignored my core question which was:
Of course these females are just interested in getting to know me better whether I'm interested or not. That is normal and has been for hundreds of years before this new mindset came along and worked out that they could stamp their feet, make disgusting false accusations and abuse laws to control people as they saw fit.
Oh I felt intimidated! :rolleyes:
How come you have elected yourself and expert on this and the only correct one?
You sound frightfully domineering and controlling. Have you been really hurt by a man once and decided to take revenge on them all to get your way and ignore all reasoned argument?
Yes indeed! And to belittle real cases, abuse laws and make false accusations just to control others doing normal things says so much about the person who does it. Whether they are male or female.
It's a classic case of someone who has learnt that playing the victim and making false accusations, gets them the attention they pine for.
Ha Ha The attention seeking fantasy world is unravelling more and more.
Just "Men being men"? There seems to be no thought in your head that women can sexually harass as well. It's all men with you and you want to play the victim.
It's you who clearly doesn't know the meaning.
I think most - in fact pretty much all - men have been on the receiving end at some time or other of female behaviour that meets the definition of what is being labelled here "sexual harassment".
It might vary in frequency and intensity between the two sexes, but the idea that their is one sexually harassing and one sexually harassed sex in the way being caricatured here is very far from the truth.
Oh for Christ's sake - yes women do sexually harass, but we all know it is far more of a male problem - so therefore it makes sense to concentrate on the men. Attempting to deflect the problem onto women - is no way of addressing the discussion.
Thanks for clarifying your views on the subject.
I think you just seem to see it as mainly men doing it. Hence the way you begrudgingly accept that it happens to men, but women have it much worse.
I hope he doesn't complain that he is being harassed by you.
That last paragraph of yours is a classic case of making unfounded allegations.
Obviously your strategy is one perpetuated by many men - always blame the women for being over-sensitive and playing the victim, afterall the men are just doing what comes naturally. I'm sure the police have heard that a thousand times.
I think all the legal cases and crime figures would back it up as being mainly a male problem.
Interesting
And - you think the average attractive young woman only experiences sexual harrassment once in her life.
Newsflash - most young women are well aware of what a pain many blokes can be - doesn't mean that have to tolerate it.
I agree with this. Some apologists here seem very defensive, which suggests they did it themselves. Oh dear.
And OP yes sounds a pest but not exactly sexual harassment, what are his leaflets for, is he God squad?
Asking once is fine, persisting when someone has said no is harassment.
And as she said, it wasn't the first time, and she is worried about aggression or violence if she continues to turn him down. This is something that I think doesn't occur to men. You don't know if the normal looking guy is going to turn into a screaming psycho when rejected.
OP, take one of his leaflets or get a friend to if you want to avoid him, then call the company and report him.
All of that said where ever an overture is made if it is met with a negative response then any attempt to continue the interaction is out of order. Not interested means just that.
In the scenario given where the OP was just walking in the street the initial overture was inappropriate, the refusal to take a negative response as a sign to leave it crosses the line to harassment. Following someone who has told you no to a request for their number and continuing to ask them out is blatantly ignoring the clear signal to bugger off imo and at that point it becomes inexusable.
http://jezebel.com/5981581/how-to-talk-to-a-woman-without-being-a-creep
Threads like this always remind me of just what a problem sexual harrassment has and, sadly, continues to be.
As long as people refuse to hold men accountable for their behaviour and insist on blaming the women all the time with ridiculous comments such as women being inappropriately dressed, over-sensitive, attention-seeking or loving to play the victim - the more it makes you realise that maybe we haven't moved on as far as we hoped.
All the more reason not to tolerate it.