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Found my boyfriend on a dating website

scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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in Advice #1
I can see he last logged in 14th April this year although it does say he is attached.

He did mention being on a dating website at the start of our relationship but that was 8 months ago so I decided to have a nose with a made up profile and found him.

It also says he is looking for any gender - which I had no idea he is bisexual!

Should I talk to him about this? I have no idea why is he still on a bloody dating website and has logged in recently. I was half expecting it to say he last logged in at the beginning of September when we first started dating, but no...
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    molliepopsmolliepops Posts: 26,829
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    #2
    I know you probably feel vindicated but you have broken his trust and he has broken yours. IMO with trust broken it's very hard to get it back. You have to decide if you want to get it back before doing anything else I think.
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #3
    molliepops wrote: »
    I know you probably feel vindicated but you have broken his trust and he has broken yours. IMO with trust broken it's very hard to get it back. You have to decide if you want to get it back before doing anything else I think.

    Seeing as it says he is attached, I think I can forgive him. I still want to talk to him about this though but it's hard to without being thought of as a sneak and him possibly turning it back onto me invading his privacy.

    I thought about having a little flirt to see how he'd reply but that would just be too sneaky and I can't bring myself to do that.
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    angelbabyxangelbabyx Posts: 742
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    #4
    yeah that wuold hurt if you pretended to be someone else on there to see how he'd react but it would be a way to know i guess as it does to me seem dodgy he's logged in unless he's using it to find friends- id say actually have it out with him try to find out why hes logged in.
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    MaxatoriaMaxatoria Posts: 17,980
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    #5
    Perhaps the site has a chat section and he just logs on to have a chat/crack a few jokes with people he's got to know on the site?, but best have words in shell like and get to the answer as if he's got nothing to hide he'll probably show you a few messages where he's said "found a good un when i wasn't looking (you)" etc but if he won't show then i'd be more suspicious
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #6
    Should I text him, ring him or wait till I see him on Thursday? Ahh I don't know. We already had one disagreement this weekend over how often we see each other.
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    SaddlerSteveSaddlerSteve Posts: 4,325
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    #7
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    I can see he last logged in 14th April this year although it does say he is attached.

    He did mention being on a dating website at the start of our relationship but that was 8 months ago so I decided to have a nose with a made up profile and found him.

    It also says he is looking for any gender - which I had no idea he is bisexual!

    Should I talk to him about this? I have no idea why is he still on a bloody dating website and has logged in recently. I was half expecting it to say he last logged in at the beginning of September when we first started dating, but no...

    If it's been 8 months, what made you decide to have a nose? Sounds like something else happened to instigate you to do it?
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #8
    SaddlerSteve wrote: »
    If it's been 8 months, what made you decide to have a nose? Sounds like something else happened to instigate you to do it?

    As I said in my previous post we'd had a disagreement over how often we see each other, he's happy with staying over once a week whereas I want more so I decided to look on there to see if he's still got a profile on there and he has.
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    Jodie98Jodie98 Posts: 96
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    #9
    I would probably ask him if he still visits the site. If he denies that he does, then I'd know I need to end things and move on. Trust has already been broken and if he outright lies that he no longer visits the site then he can't be trusted.

    Good luck with it, I know it can't have been easy finding out this information and though it's not a good idea to snoop around, it's also not acceptable to be dishonest with a partner.
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    Bliss_LightBliss_Light Posts: 71
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    #10
    Well, he can moan about you invading his privacy all he wants, but then the fact still remains that he is the one who did wrong. Don't let him shift the blame on you, if you confront him.

    A dating website is a dating website... you don't go on there to find friends, but to date! So, even though he states he is attached on there, his intentions don't look innocent to me.
    He might have just had a few chats, but I bet flirty chats, sorry to be blunt. I went through the same cr@p with an ex boyfriend doing stuff behind my back and it's hell, so I wouldn't tolerate this sort of thing... no way.
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #11
    Jodie98 wrote: »
    I would probably ask him if he still visits the site. If he denies that he does, then I'd know I need to end things and move on. Trust has already been broken and if he outright lies that he no longer visits the site then he can't be trusted.

    Good luck with it, I know it can't have been easy finding out this information and though it's not a good idea to snoop around, it's also not acceptable to be dishonest with a partner.

    I think I will do this although I am not seeing him till Thursday so will have to have it playing on my mind till then arrgh!

    Theres only 2 reasons he's on there why I can think of - he's either keeping his options open or he's looking to have his ego stroked.
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    cris182cris182 Posts: 9,595
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    #12
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    I think I will do this although I am not seeing him till Thursday so will have to have it playing on my mind till then arrgh!

    Theres only 2 reasons he's on there why I can think of - he's either keeping his options open or he's looking to have his ego stroked.

    Or he met some people he is not compatible with romantically and they get on purely as friends?
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #13
    cris182 wrote: »
    Or he met some people he is not compatible with romantically and they get on purely as friends?

    On a dating website?
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    silentNatesilentNate Posts: 84,079
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    #14
    cris182 wrote: »
    Or he met some people he is not compatible with romantically and they get on purely as friends?

    This is quite possible OP.
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    cris182cris182 Posts: 9,595
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    #15
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    On a dating website?

    Yea, I have done this in the past, Some people are better friends than partners. It does happen
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    stud u likestud u like Posts: 42,100
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    #16
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    On a dating website?

    This happens a lot.
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #17
    Why wouldn't they get each others emails and email each other if they've known each other more than 8 months then? Still no excuse for him to not close down his account.
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    academiaacademia Posts: 18,225
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    #18
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    I can see he last logged in 14th April this year although it does say he is attached.

    He did mention being on a dating website at the start of our relationship but that was 8 months ago so I decided to have a nose with a made up profile and found him.

    It also says he is looking for any gender - which I had no idea he is bisexual!

    Should I talk to him about this? I have no idea why is he still on a bloody dating website and has logged in recently. I was half expecting it to say he last logged in at the beginning of September when we first started dating, but no...

    I think you do have an idea why he's still on there and why he restricts his relationship with you to one night a week. He has also conceàled a truth about his sexuality. You're not really in his life at all, are you?
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    cris182cris182 Posts: 9,595
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    #19
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    Why wouldn't they get each others emails and email each other if they've known each other more than 8 months then? Still no excuse for him to not close down his account.

    EDITED , I think after 8 months he should be more into you or he isn't going to be
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    Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    #20
    academia wrote: »
    I think you do have an idea why he's still on there and why he restricts his relationship with you to one night a week. He has also conceàled a truth about his sexuality. You're not really in his life at all, are you?
    That's what I was going to say. Once a week, after 8 months? What is he doing the rest of the time?
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #21
    academia wrote: »
    I think you do have an idea why he's still on there and why he restricts his relationship with you to one night a week. He has also conceàled a truth about his sexuality. You're not really in his life at all, are you?

    I don't think he's cheating on me. I know he sits at home a lot listening to music because I can tell by his last.fm and he said he would talk to me about me moving in with him next time I see him, as I accused him of not being serious when he asked me to move in with him back in January.

    But yes the sexuality is a concern because he didn't tell me so I will have to bring that up some time.
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    AllyourKittyAllyourKitty Posts: 897
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    #22
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    I don't think he's cheating on me. I know he sits at home a lot listening to music because I can tell by his last.fm

    You seem quite good at keeping tabs on him....
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    scar_tissuescar_tissue Posts: 719
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    #23
    AllyourKitty wrote: »
    You seem quite good at keeping tabs on him....

    Well it makes me a bit suspicious when he doesn't want to see me that much for no good reason. It's not difficult just to tap in a website, I don't even have to do that as I downloaded the app which tells me which of my friends are online.
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    AneechikAneechik Posts: 20,208
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    #24
    Chat to him from your fake profile.
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    RandomSallyRandomSally Posts: 7,077
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    #25
    scar_tissue wrote: »
    Well it makes me a bit suspicious when he doesn't want to see me that much for no good reason. It's not difficult just to tap in a website, I don't even have to do that as I downloaded the app which tells me which of my friends are online.

    So are you a member there as well?
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    cris182cris182 Posts: 9,595
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    #26
    RandomSally wrote: »
    So are you a member there as well?

    She set up a fake profile to check on him
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