A few years ago I worked for a short time for those idiots at Atos and they constantly wanted me to travel to meetings and training sessions in Wilmslow which was about a 45 mile round trip. Even though they reimbursed me for my expenses, they expected me to find the money for train fares up front and had to wait until pay day before I was credited back meaning I was out of pocket for a month and sometimes it would mean having to loan the money off my parents or go into my overdraft then end up paying charges.
Anybody obnoxious enough to get pissed off because I cannot afford to go to something they have organised isn't really someone I'd want as a friend anyway.
That is absolutely right. People should understand whether you can't afford it or not.
I think it's important that groups of friends try to tailor their meet-ups so that friends with less spare cash can still join in, at least some of the time. That also applies to picking times and places that mean the parents can get home and relieve baby-sitters etc. It's just about give and take.
That said, I do think it confuses the issue when some people claim to be skint when they aren't. Fair enough if people want to save their money for other things, or if they just don't fancy that particular night out, but some of them make you feel like a bad person for even asking if they'd like to come. I think we all know people who claim poverty, then spend a fortune on something you consider a waste.
If a person claims poverty to avoid coming out all of the time, then spends it on a flash car, then you know where you stand. They aren't much of a friend if they prioritise an expensive car over their friends.
It's different if the person is obviously cutting back all of their general expenses to save up for one special item or a trip of a life-time/wedding etc. More so if they make the effort to stay in touch with cheaper get-togethers.
Anyway, I think widespread abuse of the phrase "I'm skint" means that people often don't believe it when someone uses it for real.
If a person claims poverty to avoid coming out all of the time, then spends it on a flash car, then you know where you stand. They aren't much of a friend if they prioritise an expensive car over their friends.
Since when was friendship defined by how often you go on nights out with someone? I have friends that I've never been on night's out with but those trivial things don't matter because they are at my house holding my hand for the important things and that is what makes them a true friend.
One of the problems is knowing when a person is truthful when claiming they cannot afford to pay.
We deal with many churches but have been taken in many times by ministers claiming they cannot afford to replace an old office machine that we have maintained over several years. Constantly claiming they have no cash or funds available to purchase a replacement. Then one day to discover we have been rewarded for keeping their old machine working well, only to find they have found funds to purchase from elsewhere a new overpriced expensive item.
without giving us any chance to also quote ! That's why we are no longer
so ready to always believe people who tell us they are very short on funds !
If a person claims poverty to avoid coming out all of the time, then spends it on a flash car, then you know where you stand. They aren't much of a friend if they prioritise an expensive car over friends.
Or they are just not compatible with some people - the kind of person who would judge them for having luxuries or different priorities.
If I get judged negatively for wanting to save for a rainy day and build up a contingency fund in case of a sudden expenditure, more fool them. The obsession with debt and money burning a hole in someone's pocket is what has caused a fair amount of the financial problems we have in this country.
Also, what I spend my money on is no-one else's business as long as it is not funding criminal activity or legally required to pay back debt as requested by a court.
If I get judged negatively for wanting to save for a rainy day and build up a contingency fund in case of a sudden expenditure, more fool them. The obsession with debt and money burning a hole in someone's pocket is what has caused a fair amount of the financial problems we have in this country.
Also, what I spend my money on is no-one else's business as long as it is not funding criminal activity or legally required to pay back debt as requested by a court.
Bingo! I bought my 1st flat last year, and since then have been building up an emergency fund (not a huge amount, but enough to be able to pay all my outgoings for at least 6 months. It's just for my own peace of mind really). Obviously i've had to make cutbacks such as far fewer nights out etc. Some people seem to think I am completely mental for doing this! I've got to the stage where I no longer want to live 'paycheck to paycheck' and would rather make cutbacks elsewhere for the time being, until I have a satisfactory 'cushion' in case I should ever need it.
I also never get into debt for anything. Mortgage is the only debt I have. If I don't have the spare cash for something, I save until I do.
Yes I have this all the time. When I say I have no money, that means I have no money! No money in my current account and no savings. They always seem to think that I'm lying and just don't want to do whatever it is.
But when it comes to them wanting something and they say they can't afford it, that means they are down to their last £200 in their current account and of course their £1000s in saving is savings. - When I say yes you can afford it if you want as you have XXXX; 'Oh that's savings!' like it's not money.
If I get judged negatively for wanting to save for a rainy day and build up a contingency fund in case of a sudden expenditure, more fool them. The obsession with debt and money burning a hole in someone's pocket is what has caused a fair amount of the financial problems we have in this country.
Also, what I spend my money on is no-one else's business as long as it is not funding criminal activity or legally required to pay back debt as requested by a court.
No saving are good, a great idea and very sensible.
But I have friends who sit there moaning that they can't afford something and would love to go or do something and are sitting on a great pile of savings like when it becomes savings, it stops being real money. So they are people with money who then moan that they are skint. When I say I'm skint, that means I really have no money at all anywhere.
That said, I do think it confuses the issue when some people claim to be skint when they aren't. Fair enough if people want to save their money for other things, or if they just don't fancy that particular night out, but some of them make you feel like a bad person for even asking if they'd like to come.
If I get judged negatively for wanting to save for a rainy day and build up a contingency fund in case of a sudden expenditure, more fool them.
I think the niggle (it's not really a problem) that some of us have is the fob off.
They say they are skint then a few days later are asking you to go out for a meal or a drink.
If they said they couldn't do things because they were saving then it's nicer than just using the skint excuse.
I'd even prefer them to say that they just don't fancy it.
No saving are good, a great idea and very sensible.
But I have friends who sit there moaning that they can't afford something and would love to go or do something and are sitting on a great pile of savings like when it becomes savings, it stops being real money. So they are people with money who then moan that they are skint. When I say I'm skint, that means I really have no money at all anywhere.
They don't have money - for that particular thing - and that attitude is why they have savings etc.
Bingo! I bought my 1st flat last year, and since then have been building up an emergency fund (not a huge amount, but enough to be able to pay all my outgoings for at least 6 months. It's just for my own peace of mind really). Obviously i've had to make cutbacks such as far fewer nights out etc. Some people seem to think I am completely mental for doing this! I've got to the stage where I no longer want to live 'paycheck to paycheck' and would rather make cutbacks elsewhere for the time being, until I have a satisfactory 'cushion' in case I should ever need it.
I also never get into debt for anything. Mortgage is the only debt I have. If I don't have the spare cash for something, I save until I do.
This is the way I do it. I don't buy expensive stuff unless I really, really want it and can justify it, and never on impulse. As a result I've got a good few quid in the bank for when it's really needed. It's no harm having fewer nights out. You get a bit bored of it all eventually anyway.
I think people get angry if friends can't afford to do something then later they spend the money on something else. But if you think about it, The only reason that happens is because of the order they are in
If you ask someone out on a weekend and they say they can't afford it then they buy a TV on wednesday you get annoyed, But this person may know both are not possible and have to make a choice
But if they bought said TV the week before you ask them out and they say they can't afford it then you know why and can't really argue because the money is gone
In one case people say the TV is their priority not friends, In the other they are just broke, Yet both are the same in the end
I have about £15 to my name I have no savings whatsoever so I wont be going anywhere this weekend. That event in London will have to do one, tough shit.
I have one night out a month, I dont know how I do it but I can only buy myself about 2 pints and the rest of the night is usually spent going in and out of pubs/clubs with no drink. I stay at a friends place and bunk the train home in the morning or I have been known to walk the 8 miles home because I can't afford the £20 it is for a taxi (double fair after midnight) it is a pain in the arse being royally skint and I mean PROPER skint. Its not a walk in the park and the constant worry is always that my building society and bank accounts seem to dip just below £0 and I get all them letters "your over drawn your overdrawn YOUR OVER.... DRAWN!!!" had to tell them to stop sending them to me in the end. I am sometimes too scared to even look at my accounts I get this sinking feeling but the past month or so it seems one thing that keeps eating away at my finances has stopped for a bit so I am at least a tenner up than I usually am but only having £15 in one bank and a tenner in the other doesnt fill you with much confidence to do anything most of the time and the pittance the job centre give me goes on transport to get to appointments, interviews or job hunting.
I think people get angry if friends can't afford to do something then later they spend the money on something else. But if you think about it, The only reason that happens is because of the order they are in
If you ask someone out on a weekend and they say they can't afford it then they buy a TV on wednesday you get annoyed, But this person may know both are not possible and have to make a choice
But if they bought said TV the week before you ask them out and they say they can't afford it then you know why and can't really argue because the money is gone
In one case people say the TV is their priority not friends, In the other they are just broke, Yet both are the same in the end
What's wrong with them says "Sorry but just bought a new telly so don't have the funds" or "Sorry but i'm buying a new telly next week so need to keep my savings" ?
A mate of mine is currently unemployed and looking for work, if we're going out and he can't afford to come then we take it in turns to pay his way. It's what friends do.
At last a sensible post, friends help their friends, 'mates' don't.
Yes, back when I was young and skint I was invited to someone's house for a bite to eat. When I got there I was told 'we're having Chinese and it's £10 each'. I didn't know them well enough to grumble about it so I just said I wasn't hungry and did without.
I assumed if you were invited to someone's house for food then they would be providing it and you wouldn't be expected to pay for it. Also £10 was an awful lot of money for a Chinese back in 1995! I think even if I'd had £10 going spare I still would have gone without on principle!
I have about £15 to my name I have no savings whatsoever so I wont be going anywhere this weekend. That event in London will have to do one, tough shit.
I have one night out a month, I dont know how I do it but I can only buy myself about 2 pints and the rest of the night is usually spent going in and out of pubs/clubs with no drink. I stay at a friends place and bunk the train home in the morning or I have been known to walk the 8 miles home because I can't afford the £20 it is for a taxi (double fair after midnight) it is a pain in the arse being royally skint and I mean PROPER skint. Its not a walk in the park and the constant worry is always that my building society and bank accounts seem to dip just below £0 and I get all them letters "your over drawn your overdrawn YOUR OVER.... DRAWN!!!" had to tell them to stop sending them to me in the end. I am sometimes too scared to even look at my accounts I get this sinking feeling but the past month or so it seems one thing that keeps eating away at my finances has stopped for a bit so I am at least a tenner up than I usually am but only having £15 in one bank and a tenner in the other doesnt fill you with much confidence to do anything most of the time and the pittance the job centre give me goes on transport to get to appointments, interviews or job hunting.
Truly hope things get better for you Funk You - been in your situation so can appreciate the worry
I sometimes get this but there have also been times when I have said I can't afford to go as an excuse if it is a person I don't like that much. It seems a bit nicer then saying I just don't want to go with you because I just don't like you.
Indeed some of the cases on here sound like the person didn't want to go on a night out with " friends" so cried off skint. My opinion is if someone bails on you too much stop inviting them out!!
Its not always about money.
Comments
That is absolutely right. People should understand whether you can't afford it or not.
That said, I do think it confuses the issue when some people claim to be skint when they aren't. Fair enough if people want to save their money for other things, or if they just don't fancy that particular night out, but some of them make you feel like a bad person for even asking if they'd like to come. I think we all know people who claim poverty, then spend a fortune on something you consider a waste.
If a person claims poverty to avoid coming out all of the time, then spends it on a flash car, then you know where you stand. They aren't much of a friend if they prioritise an expensive car over their friends.
It's different if the person is obviously cutting back all of their general expenses to save up for one special item or a trip of a life-time/wedding etc. More so if they make the effort to stay in touch with cheaper get-togethers.
Anyway, I think widespread abuse of the phrase "I'm skint" means that people often don't believe it when someone uses it for real.
Since when was friendship defined by how often you go on nights out with someone? I have friends that I've never been on night's out with but those trivial things don't matter because they are at my house holding my hand for the important things and that is what makes them a true friend.
We deal with many churches but have been taken in many times by ministers claiming they cannot afford to replace an old office machine that we have maintained over several years. Constantly claiming they have no cash or funds available to purchase a replacement. Then one day to discover we have been rewarded for keeping their old machine working well, only to find they have found funds to purchase from elsewhere a new overpriced expensive item.
without giving us any chance to also quote ! That's why we are no longer
so ready to always believe people who tell us they are very short on funds !
Also, what I spend my money on is no-one else's business as long as it is not funding criminal activity or legally required to pay back debt as requested by a court.
Bingo! I bought my 1st flat last year, and since then have been building up an emergency fund (not a huge amount, but enough to be able to pay all my outgoings for at least 6 months. It's just for my own peace of mind really). Obviously i've had to make cutbacks such as far fewer nights out etc. Some people seem to think I am completely mental for doing this! I've got to the stage where I no longer want to live 'paycheck to paycheck' and would rather make cutbacks elsewhere for the time being, until I have a satisfactory 'cushion' in case I should ever need it.
I also never get into debt for anything. Mortgage is the only debt I have. If I don't have the spare cash for something, I save until I do.
But when it comes to them wanting something and they say they can't afford it, that means they are down to their last £200 in their current account and of course their £1000s in saving is savings. - When I say yes you can afford it if you want as you have XXXX; 'Oh that's savings!' like it's not money.
No saving are good, a great idea and very sensible.
But I have friends who sit there moaning that they can't afford something and would love to go or do something and are sitting on a great pile of savings like when it becomes savings, it stops being real money. So they are people with money who then moan that they are skint. When I say I'm skint, that means I really have no money at all anywhere.
They say they are skint then a few days later are asking you to go out for a meal or a drink.
If they said they couldn't do things because they were saving then it's nicer than just using the skint excuse.
I'd even prefer them to say that they just don't fancy it.
They don't have money - for that particular thing - and that attitude is why they have savings etc.
This is the way I do it. I don't buy expensive stuff unless I really, really want it and can justify it, and never on impulse. As a result I've got a good few quid in the bank for when it's really needed. It's no harm having fewer nights out. You get a bit bored of it all eventually anyway.
If you ask someone out on a weekend and they say they can't afford it then they buy a TV on wednesday you get annoyed, But this person may know both are not possible and have to make a choice
But if they bought said TV the week before you ask them out and they say they can't afford it then you know why and can't really argue because the money is gone
In one case people say the TV is their priority not friends, In the other they are just broke, Yet both are the same in the end
I have one night out a month, I dont know how I do it but I can only buy myself about 2 pints and the rest of the night is usually spent going in and out of pubs/clubs with no drink. I stay at a friends place and bunk the train home in the morning or I have been known to walk the 8 miles home because I can't afford the £20 it is for a taxi (double fair after midnight) it is a pain in the arse being royally skint and I mean PROPER skint. Its not a walk in the park and the constant worry is always that my building society and bank accounts seem to dip just below £0 and I get all them letters "your over drawn your overdrawn YOUR OVER.... DRAWN!!!" had to tell them to stop sending them to me in the end. I am sometimes too scared to even look at my accounts
I get that as well.
£30 is pretty much half a weeks benefit. I'd prefer to spend it on rent than train fare!
At last a sensible post, friends help their friends, 'mates' don't.
Did they eat the food in front of you?
Truly hope things get better for you Funk You - been in your situation so can appreciate the worry
Indeed some of the cases on here sound like the person didn't want to go on a night out with " friends" so cried off skint. My opinion is if someone bails on you too much stop inviting them out!!
Its not always about money.