Re the virginity. I have considered losing my virginity to an escort over the next year, not some to any cheap one, but a experianced one (over the age of 35) just learn the ropes of sex and explain it to her.
You have to understand, I am human, I like sex, and sex is an important part of life to most people. I don't really care who I lose it to, its just sex to me, love sex is different from sex with an escort IMO.
I don't want to get addicted to them, but just have the experiance, plus I am horny guy occassionally. I guess most women would be put off by this though? I know a lot of women think its degrading to use escorts, and IMO I agree, but I think I am a special case and it might do me some good tbh. I don't think most women would care if it was way in the past. Russell Brand lost his virginity to an escort ffs.
What do people think? Is that an extreme way of losing your virginity? Or should I just wait? I pretty horny, to not have sex by the time your 26 is a bit annoying sometimes.
I think it's a good idea and probably the best thing you could do, providing you can find the right escort. Providing you can find one who is sympathetic and understanding, and won't dent your confidence, or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I would perhaps wait to meet one through friends, or a social recommendation so you can be sure she is a decent person and not a nasty one.
I'm not your typical woman - I'm a bit eccentric plus I'm older - but for what it's worth, I don't think it's off putting about a guy that he has been to escorts, providing he's not addicted to them, (if he's always with escorts it's kind of like, is sex his only interest in life, is he a sleaze magnet, or does he have very disturbing sexual tastes - worries/impressions - in most cases, not all). I think it's manly and also sweet - sweet in a manly way. I would do it. I'm sure it would be a huge weight off your mind not to have to worry about your virginity.
Re the virginity. I have considered losing my virginity to an escort over the next year, not some to any cheap one, but a experianced one (over the age of 35) just learn the ropes of sex and explain it to her.
Thing is, you won't "learn the ropes" from a hooker. Unless you pay her and explain what you want, all you'll get is a set amount of time to "perform", so to speak, and then get out.
So if you're looking at it as something you just want to get out of the way then yes, by all means go for it and get it done. If you're looking at it as a way of learning the ropes and getting some experience then you'll be disappointed and most probably be more unhappy in that respect.
Don't write yourself off at 30. There's no race to loose your virginity you know.
Look at crazychris, he keeps telling us how he was a late developer. He didn't get anywhere until he was into his 30s. If he can find himself a wife then so can you.
.
Agreed. Take hope from me OP. I don't mind admitting that I was 31, had never been on a date even, and lost my virginity to a prostitute in a Sheffield massage parlour. :eek: It was driving me mad! A male social worker I was seeing actually said I should do it to get rid of the mystique and worry of the first time. He even gave me a rough idea where to go, the area I mean. Best £30 I ever spent OP.
Trouble is after that I wanted more and couldn't afford it but found a wife from abroad. Where there's a will there's a way.
Agreed. Take hope from me OP. I don't mind admitting that I was 31, had never been on a date even, and lost my virginity to a prostitute in a Sheffield massage parlour. :eek: It was driving me mad! A male social worker I was seeing actually said I should do it to get rid of the mystique and worry of the first time. He even gave me a rough idea where to go, the area I mean. Best £30 I ever spent OP.
Trouble is after that I wanted more and couldn't afford it but found a wife from abroad. Where there's a will there's a way.
OP take whatever advice this guy gives and do the opposite - you can't go wrong.
Agreed. Take hope from me OP. I don't mind admitting that I was 31, had never been on a date even, and lost my virginity to a prostitute in a Sheffield massage parlour. :eek: It was driving me mad! A male social worker I was seeing actually said I should do it to get rid of the mystique and worry of the first time. He even gave me a rough idea where to go, the area I mean. Best £30 I ever spent OP.
Trouble is after that I wanted more and couldn't afford it but found a wife from abroad. Where there's a will there's a way.
Must say this is an absolute bargain. Ladies of the night round our way are £50 a go. So i've heard:o:D
Thomas, I agree that an escort may be the answer for you but I do have a suggestion you could try first that would mean you might not have the stigma of using an escort but also allow you to lose your virginity without having to find a girlfriend.
As mentoined on this forum there are a few dating websites specificallly set up for people who are JUST looking for sex, not a relationship. My suggestion is you make up a profile for yourself on one of those sites (not Plenty of Fish) and be TOTALLY honest in it.
Use a nice but genuine photo of yourself and say in your profile that you are a 25 year old virgin looking for an older woman to teach you about sex. Explain you are in this predicament because you are shy and insecure but you think if you lose your virginity you could have mire confidence and be able to get out more.
I am totally sure that your story and situation would be a big turn on for some of the women who use these sites. You may find yourself a nice lsady who enjoys the idea of teaching a shy virgin to discover his inner sex god! And you won't have to pay her or tell future girlfriends you lost yout virginity to an escort.
Use a nice but genuine photo of yourself and say in your profile that you are a 25 year old virgin looking for an older woman to teach you about sex. Explain you are in this predicament because you are shy and insecure but you think if you lose your virginity you could have mire confidence and be able to get out more.
I am totally sure that your story and situation would be a big turn on for some of the women who use these sites. You may find yourself a nice lsady who enjoys the idea of teaching a shy virgin to discover his inner sex god! And you won't have to pay her or tell future girlfriends you lost yout virginity to an escort.
Haha yeah right get out of here.
Most of those "mature women" are probably look for an experianced man or a man their own age! Seriously I know there's making me feel better about myself but thats taking it to the extreme! There's probably very few women in the world would want me! (Although my female counsellor was shocked I never a had girlfriend said I was well above average :eek::rolleyes:).
Like I say theres no way in the world any of those sites would want a male virgin if they're looking for outright shag. No way, and not me especially.
Can somebody confirm the online polls I have seen suggesting 60% of women do not like inexperianced/virgin men??, especially over the age of 30?
People may laugh at that idea, but I can't go around lying for the rest of my life, sure I could be in a relationship one month, and then say it to which I will probably be dumped.
I saw comments on POF like "If I met a virgin male at 25 I would run a mile" "don't want to date freaks" "I would have serious reservations about dating virgin men" etc etc. Even if I were to lose my virginity to a prostitute, it would still not cover the fact that I have never been in a relationship and this will become very obvious.
People may laugh but I am certain that I am going to be like this for the rest of my life. I walked around town today and I was so depressed. I felt awful absolutely awful. Seeing people with friends, seeing couples holding hands and knowing I'm never going to be like that. It tears me apart.
I'm 26 coming in august so I'm too told old to change now. I'm crying over it. :(
Thomas, I am 26 and in a pretty similar situation to yourself.
- No job
- No friends/social life
- Not lost my virginity/never had a girlfriend etcetc.
I suffer from social anxiety and I have been struggling with life since I was 11. I decided to seek help for the first time in 2010 but unfortunately life is still where it was back then.
It's great to hear you're trying to help yourself and you're sticking with the meds etc. but please do not think losing your virginity will solve all your problems.
"I avoided everyone in my halls in first year. Like didn't go into the kitchen or anything."
"Ridiculously hateful towards myself."
Do you honestly think a girlfriend or sex will help solve these problems?
Work on your confidence, work on your mental health and just forget about internet polls and the like. 60%, you say? Well what about the 40% who said they don't care? Do you really want to please the shallow, inconsiderate twerps who make up the 60%? Forget them.
Once you're in a better place mentally, you'll be able to seek out a woman who likes you for you and one who won't be so judgemental about your lack of relationships/experience.
I honestly do know why you feel like you do towards sex/having a girlfriend, but I've learnt that you just have to forget about all the negative things in life that we don't have, what we desperately crave, and just work on solving our mental health. If we solve that, we solve everything (maybe I'm being a bit vague, and naive, but I hope you understand what I mean by everything).
I decided to seek help for the first time in 2010 but unfortunately life is still where it was back then.
Oh jesus that fills me with great confidence.
Why haven't you progressed? I'm hoping the whole point of is is that I am supposed to. Rather than avoiding contact, I have to be trying to engage in it from now on etc. Project a positive image of myself.
Why haven't you progressed? I'm hoping the whole point of is is that I am supposed to. Rather than avoiding contact, I have to be trying to engage in it from now on etc. Project a positive image of myself.
That sounds about right. Don't see what was wrong with the other posters dating site advice to be honest - it surely wouldn't hurt to try. If not, there's always Sheffield.
Why haven't you progressed? I'm hoping the whole point of is is that I am supposed to. Rather than avoiding contact, I have to be trying to engage in it from now on etc. Project a positive image of myself.
Because I'm an idiot and a coward.
I was on meds and went to CBT. I had to wait seven months on the waiting list and within six sessions I had messed it all up and stopped going. Such a wasted opportunity! :mad:
I stopped my meds because my GP wanted me to visit him every month to report my progress. I couldn't face leaving the house to go to my appointment(s) so my meds got stopped.
CBT was great. My depression improved massively in just six sessions! But I ran out of money for bus fare one week, and then after that, my anxiety started ruling my head and it was like going back for my first session all over again and I couldn't do it, so I stopped completely.
My last session was in January this year and since then I have been back to my GP several times to request meds and CBT again but the pattern repeats itself.
It does feel rather pointless and I never stop thinking "what's the point?" but I guess unless I fight, I'm never going to improve my life.
I'm sure you're not an idiot or a coward though, so you have nothing to worry about
You also have your mum to help you out which is brilliant! I'm sure she will support you all the way and make sure you attend appointments if you ever have any problems with that
:mad::mad::mad::mad:
Saying a problem "doesn't matter" does not make it magically disappear.
That's exactly what people who are self-confident, and have no idea what low-self-esteem is say
Stupid advice and shows you don't understand the problem.
Low-self-confidence prevents anything from happening., so they can't happen.
Thomas, I agree that an escort may be the answer for you but I do have a suggestion you could try first that would mean you might not have the stigma of using an escort but also allow you to lose your virginity without having to find a girlfriend.
As mentoined on this forum there are a few dating websites specificallly set up for people who are JUST looking for sex, not a relationship. My suggestion is you make up a profile for yourself on one of those sites (not Plenty of Fish) and be TOTALLY honest in it.
Use a nice but genuine photo of yourself and say in your profile that you are a 25 year old virgin looking for an older woman to teach you about sex. Explain you are in this predicament because you are shy and insecure but you think if you lose your virginity you could have mire confidence and be able to get out more.
I am totally sure that your story and situation would be a big turn on for some of the women who use these sites. You may find yourself a nice lsady who enjoys the idea of teaching a shy virgin to discover his inner sex god! And you won't have to pay her or tell future girlfriends you lost yout virginity to an escort.
I think this is the best advice, even though Thomas has dismissed it. He should give it a try, I work with a guy who sounds similar to Thomas, only a few years older, in his 30's, and he did something similar. It worked for him, his life is totally different now, from what he says.
Start going to the gym, doesnt take long before you start to see improvements even if you go and just use the bike to start. It will improve your health and your confidence to no end, you will find you feel alot happier from the cardio almost immediately.
If you feel good about how you look, the rest should come along nicely
Dont go using a prostitue, really cant believe people suggested that.:mad: Live as you want to live, so what if you dont 'lose it' till 40/50/60 it should be on your terms not to someone whos getting paid for it.
Right. I haven't read the whole thread, but here's what I think.
OP, I also live in Northern Ireland and work in Belfast. You say you walk around the city and see happy people holding hands, and think that people see you as a freak. Well, I walk through the city centre every day. I've never thought "Gosh he's a weird looking fella" about anyone. And I've probably seen you at some point.
Actually, when I look around me I see completely different things to you. I see stressed out looking people in suits, who have probably had a hard day at work. Grumpy teenagers in tracksuits who should be at school. Regular people, neither attractive nor ugly, going about their day, trying to get through things as best as they can. There's only a very small minority of good looking, loved up couples who don't seem to have a care in the world. And chances are they have their problems too, but you won't know that just by looking at them.
Yes, some poeple are more confident and sociable than others, but even they have insecurities and doubt themselves some times. Everyone wants to be accepted and most of the time people are too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to notice what other people are up to. Unless you look and act truly outlandish, then I promise you people aren't looking at you thinking you're a freak, or that you shouldn't be out in society. It's all in your head.
Because you've convinced yourself that you're this unacceptable human being, you're probably coming across as negative and needy. People don't like that and maybe thats why you struggle to make friends. But chances are it's not your true personality that's the problem, it's just that negative pattern of thinking. Once you break that, then people will start to warm to you.
It's normal to be a misfit as a teenager. I had an unhappy family life and as a result I was quite withdrawn and insecure at school. Like you, I was convinced that I was ugly, that people were judging me negatively and that if I tried to talk to anyone outside of my friendship group, they'd see me as an unwelcome intrusion. It was a self-fulfilling profecy, and as a result I only had a small group of friends and the rest of the year saw me as a bit of a nerd.
Then when I left school I was determined to change things. I went to uni in England, so I had a fresh start. I was still insecure, but made myself act confident and positive. I took part in clubs and societies that I wouldn't notmally have considered, and talked to people that I never thought would be my type of friends. To my surprise, people warmed to me straight away. I was still the same person, with the same looks and the same personality. The only thing that was different was my attitude. In time, I realised I wasn't even faking it anymore, I really had become a confident person.
The strange thing is that now people tell me how well they think I'm doing. In their minds I'm successful in my studies and job, social life and relationships. I'm genuinely surprised, because even though I'm more confident than before, and reasonably happy, I still look at other people ad think they have it better. I worry that my degree isn't from a top uni, I try to get through each day at work as best as I can without messing up, I question whether I can ever secure a permanent job and one day buy my own house, I worry that I'm not going out as much as other people, and I have relationship troubles just like other people. Sometimes I'm even paranoid that people I meet will somehow be able to tell that I was an awkward, skinny kid from a broken home, instead of someone from a wholesome, 2 parents 2.5 kids happy family. Of course I realise that's crazy thinking and make myself stop it.
I guess what I'm trying to make you realise is that everyone, no matter how happy they seem, has moments when they feel inadequate. And most people aren't unforgiving, hard-hearted things that are going to scrutinise you and think that you're not fit to be in society. Most likely they are interested in getting to know you, but you're coming across as unapproachable, because you've convinced yourself that you're unloveable and you've created barriers.
I'm not a doctor, or a psychologist, but I disagree with the idea that medicine and counselling are automatically the best way forward. The problem with counselling is that it encourages you to be too introspective and over-analyse things. What you need to do is get out there and take small, but positive steps towards building your life. Chat to people- people you may never see again, like the cashier at a shop. Develop your interests, and maybe consider joining a club or society. Take an interest in others, and don't think too much about how you're coming across. Keep busy and don't dwell too much on your feelings. Sometimes you can go round and round in circles and your mind makes a mountain out of a molehill. Aim to achieve something every day, no matter how small.
You'll see that things will start to change for you. Forget about girlfriends or sex for now. Concentrate on creating a better life for yourself and raising your self-esteem, your love life will fall into place eventually. Otherwise you'll be putting an unfair burden on someone- no one wants to be the only source of someone else's happiness, people want positive partners who will contribute something to a relationship. Don't worry about being a virgin, you don't even have to tell a girl that. Just say you've had relationships in the past, but nothing too serious. Sex isn't rocket science, it will just happen natrally if you relax a bit.
So yeah, I hope I've been helpful in some way, sorry for the long essay!
He was talking about Omagh, not Belfast.
I definitely agree with you that counselling can make things worse, by making people more self-conscious of their problems.
I have my second psycologist appointment in Strabane on the 2nd of July and my 8th counselling appointment in Belfast the day after. I'm everwhere at the moment.
I realise regarding the girlfriend/friend issue I just relax about it and take my time, I don't turn 26 till the 4th of august and 4 years before I turn 30. I'm embarresed about my situation, and obviously worried about all the crap that plenty of fish say about virgins over 30 (i.e. that 60% wont date them etc).
But like I say, no point beating myself up about it, just don't panic and take my time and if I work at it, it might be done. I'm having counselling for first time in my life, I'm reading up on cognetive therapy behaviour for the first time. So for the first time ever I'm in the process of actually trying to do something about it.
I know bitching about it on the internet isn't going to do any good so for the past few weeks I've been letting off steam and crying my eyes out, but I've calmed down now and starting think postively long term how this can be tackled. Surely its better than thinking about suicide all the time??
Its still 4 years and a month before I turn 30, so it is plenty of time for therapy and socialising to improve by then (if I work at it - which I will).
I'm just keep thinking to myself I can't be that bad surely??
So as I say just thinking postively about myself and looking to see what the 'small steps' are that I can take.
Thanks for all the support guys, the fight starts here!! Lets get off my arse and do something!! Bring it on!!
I'm glad you are feeling more optimistic, the whole tone of this post is different from your previous ones! I don't think you should be setting a yourself a deadline though, or making 30 the magic age that everything must be sorted out by.
I think it's a good idea and probably the best thing you could do, providing you can find the right escort. Providing you can find one who is sympathetic and understanding, and won't dent your confidence, or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I would perhaps wait to meet one through friends, or a social recommendation so you can be sure she is a decent person and not a nasty one.
I'm not your typical woman - I'm a bit eccentric plus I'm older - but for what it's worth, I don't think it's off putting about a guy that he has been to escorts, providing he's not addicted to them, (if he's always with escorts it's kind of like, is sex his only interest in life, is he a sleaze magnet, or does he have very disturbing sexual tastes - worries/impressions - in most cases, not all). I think it's manly and also sweet - sweet in a manly way. I would do it. I'm sure it would be a huge weight off your mind not to have to worry about your virginity.
I think the opposite, that it would be a very bad idea. Maybe we should have a poll on this question!:D
:mad::mad::mad::mad:
Saying a problem "doesn't matter" does not make it magically disappear.
That's exactly what people who are self-confident, and have no idea what low-self-esteem is say
Stupid advice and shows you don't understand the problem.
Low-self-confidence prevents anything from happening., so they can't happen.
I agree with you that self-confident people just don't have a clue what these kind of problems are like, but sometimes it can help if you can find a way to distract yourself and make yourself forget about your problems, giving things a chance to naturally work themselves out.
Am I the only one here who thinks going to an escort is a terrible idea!?
OP, sex might be sex but do you honestly think you'll feel any different in yourself from one cheap bunk up with some t*rt you probably won't even fancy? Won't know the name of? Don't you think you're worth more than that, that you owe it to yourself to sort out the bigger picture?
Do you honestly think that having sex with some random hooker is a rite of passage into a perfect life, or even the first step on the road to happiness?
There are MANY people your age yet to lose their virginity. Stop focusing on it, it's so not the issue. You really do need to look at you and why you're the way you are and what you can do on a positive level to work on improving your mental health.
My initial thoughts are that you need to get some fresh air and exercise, boost your endorphins. Could you get a dog? It's surprising how much you do when you HAVE to do it because someone or something depends on you. Especially if you love them. Maybe the dog will end up walking you
You need to make sure your meds (if you still take them?) are right for you by speaking to a specialist or a private doctor (if you have health insurance). You must remember to back up any meds with a healthy diet, no alcohol, no tobacco.
Counselling wise, there are many ways to get your feelings out - a blog, a diary, an email buddy - whatever works for you, but you need to try not to go around in circles. For every negative thought try to balance it with a positive one - for example - 'I don't have any friends' needs to be supplemented with 'but I believe in myself and I'm working to make friends' - even if you have downtimes when you might not believe it always. I'm not suggesting you join a salsa class (yet!!) but you could go to a group which doesn't focus directly on group or even one to one interaction - for example, art class, or even distance learning where the interaction is minimal. Do whatever you can and whatever you feel meets your current limits before you stretch them.
I'm sure that you're a great guy, genuinely, and the fact you've posted on here means that you want help, but help comes from within, cheesy but true. The rest is a support structure only. I wish you all the best but please, don't focus on what you don't have and quick fixes. A happier and healthier you might take a while but progress is what you're looking for, not unrealistic goals.
Am I the only one here who thinks going to an escort is a terrible idea!?
OP, sex might be sex but do you honestly think you'll feel any different in yourself from one cheap bunk up with some t*rt you probably won't even fancy? Won't know the name of? Don't you think you're worth more than that, that you owe it to yourself to sort out the bigger picture?
Do you honestly think that having sex with some random hooker is a rite of passage into a perfect life, or even the first step on the road to happiness?
There are MANY people your age yet to lose their virginity. Stop focusing on it, it's so not the issue. You really do need to look at you and why you're the way you are and what you can do on a positive level to work on improving your mental health.
My initial thoughts are that you need to get some fresh air and exercise, boost your endorphins. Could you get a dog? It's surprising how much you do when you HAVE to do it because someone or something depends on you. Especially if you love them. Maybe the dog will end up walking you
You need to make sure your meds (if you still take them?) are right for you by speaking to a specialist or a private doctor (if you have health insurance). You must remember to back up any meds with a healthy diet, no alcohol, no tobacco.
Counselling wise, there are many ways to get your feelings out - a blog, a diary, an email buddy - whatever works for you, but you need to try not to go around in circles. For every negative thought try to balance it with a positive one - for example - 'I don't have any friends' needs to be supplemented with 'but I believe in myself and I'm working to make friends' - even if you have downtimes when you might not believe it always. I'm not suggesting you join a salsa class (yet!!) but you could go to a group which doesn't focus directly on group or even one to one interaction - for example, art class, or even distance learning where the interaction is minimal. Do whatever you can and whatever you feel meets your current limits before you stretch them.
I'm sure that you're a great guy, genuinely, and the fact you've posted on here means that you want help, but help comes from within, cheesy but true. The rest is a support structure only. I wish you all the best but please, don't focus on what you don't have and quick fixes. A happier and healthier you might take a while but progress is what you're looking for, not unrealistic goals.
Good grief! A bit of good advice for once!
I can't believe that people are advising someone with low self esteem to go to a prostitute!
Would that really make the OP feel any better? Really?
It won't make the self-disgust worse at all? You think?
There are some posters on here with some very strange lifestyles.
Comments
I think it's a good idea and probably the best thing you could do, providing you can find the right escort. Providing you can find one who is sympathetic and understanding, and won't dent your confidence, or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I would perhaps wait to meet one through friends, or a social recommendation so you can be sure she is a decent person and not a nasty one.
I'm not your typical woman - I'm a bit eccentric plus I'm older - but for what it's worth, I don't think it's off putting about a guy that he has been to escorts, providing he's not addicted to them, (if he's always with escorts it's kind of like, is sex his only interest in life, is he a sleaze magnet, or does he have very disturbing sexual tastes - worries/impressions - in most cases, not all). I think it's manly and also sweet - sweet in a manly way. I would do it. I'm sure it would be a huge weight off your mind not to have to worry about your virginity.
Thing is, you won't "learn the ropes" from a hooker. Unless you pay her and explain what you want, all you'll get is a set amount of time to "perform", so to speak, and then get out.
So if you're looking at it as something you just want to get out of the way then yes, by all means go for it and get it done. If you're looking at it as a way of learning the ropes and getting some experience then you'll be disappointed and most probably be more unhappy in that respect.
Agreed. Take hope from me OP. I don't mind admitting that I was 31, had never been on a date even, and lost my virginity to a prostitute in a Sheffield massage parlour. :eek: It was driving me mad! A male social worker I was seeing actually said I should do it to get rid of the mystique and worry of the first time. He even gave me a rough idea where to go, the area I mean. Best £30 I ever spent OP.
Trouble is after that I wanted more and couldn't afford it but found a wife from abroad. Where there's a will there's a way.
OP take whatever advice this guy gives and do the opposite - you can't go wrong.
I meant take heart from me that it's never too late.
Must say this is an absolute bargain. Ladies of the night round our way are £50 a go. So i've heard:o:D
They are in London now but this was Oop North in 1991.
Their prices have probably risen since the incident described. It was a long time ago.
Edit: I was right, then.
I bet it was like a scene from Band of Gold. I bet you panicked when she put the kettle on.:D
Was like that Bobby Goldsboro song Summer (The First Time) in that I went in a boy and left as a man.
As mentoined on this forum there are a few dating websites specificallly set up for people who are JUST looking for sex, not a relationship. My suggestion is you make up a profile for yourself on one of those sites (not Plenty of Fish) and be TOTALLY honest in it.
Use a nice but genuine photo of yourself and say in your profile that you are a 25 year old virgin looking for an older woman to teach you about sex. Explain you are in this predicament because you are shy and insecure but you think if you lose your virginity you could have mire confidence and be able to get out more.
I am totally sure that your story and situation would be a big turn on for some of the women who use these sites. You may find yourself a nice lsady who enjoys the idea of teaching a shy virgin to discover his inner sex god! And you won't have to pay her or tell future girlfriends you lost yout virginity to an escort.
Worth every penny then.:D
Did you see band of gold? If not, then my last comment will have made no sense at all.
Is that when she pours a kettle of boiling water on his bollocks?
Haha yeah right get out of here.
Most of those "mature women" are probably look for an experianced man or a man their own age! Seriously I know there's making me feel better about myself but thats taking it to the extreme! There's probably very few women in the world would want me! (Although my female counsellor was shocked I never a had girlfriend said I was well above average :eek::rolleyes:).
Like I say theres no way in the world any of those sites would want a male virgin if they're looking for outright shag. No way, and not me especially.
Thomas, I am 26 and in a pretty similar situation to yourself.
- No job
- No friends/social life
- Not lost my virginity/never had a girlfriend etcetc.
I suffer from social anxiety and I have been struggling with life since I was 11. I decided to seek help for the first time in 2010 but unfortunately life is still where it was back then.
It's great to hear you're trying to help yourself and you're sticking with the meds etc. but please do not think losing your virginity will solve all your problems.
"I avoided everyone in my halls in first year. Like didn't go into the kitchen or anything."
"Ridiculously hateful towards myself."
Do you honestly think a girlfriend or sex will help solve these problems?
Work on your confidence, work on your mental health and just forget about internet polls and the like. 60%, you say? Well what about the 40% who said they don't care? Do you really want to please the shallow, inconsiderate twerps who make up the 60%? Forget them.
Once you're in a better place mentally, you'll be able to seek out a woman who likes you for you and one who won't be so judgemental about your lack of relationships/experience.
I honestly do know why you feel like you do towards sex/having a girlfriend, but I've learnt that you just have to forget about all the negative things in life that we don't have, what we desperately crave, and just work on solving our mental health. If we solve that, we solve everything (maybe I'm being a bit vague, and naive, but I hope you understand what I mean by everything).
I hope whatever you decide works out for you.
Take care
That's the one. Brilliant drama,
Oh jesus that fills me with great confidence.
Why haven't you progressed? I'm hoping the whole point of is is that I am supposed to. Rather than avoiding contact, I have to be trying to engage in it from now on etc. Project a positive image of myself.
That sounds about right. Don't see what was wrong with the other posters dating site advice to be honest - it surely wouldn't hurt to try. If not, there's always Sheffield.
Because I'm an idiot and a coward.
I was on meds and went to CBT. I had to wait seven months on the waiting list and within six sessions I had messed it all up and stopped going. Such a wasted opportunity! :mad:
I stopped my meds because my GP wanted me to visit him every month to report my progress. I couldn't face leaving the house to go to my appointment(s) so my meds got stopped.
CBT was great. My depression improved massively in just six sessions! But I ran out of money for bus fare one week, and then after that, my anxiety started ruling my head and it was like going back for my first session all over again and I couldn't do it, so I stopped completely.
My last session was in January this year and since then I have been back to my GP several times to request meds and CBT again but the pattern repeats itself.
It does feel rather pointless and I never stop thinking "what's the point?" but I guess unless I fight, I'm never going to improve my life.
I'm sure you're not an idiot or a coward though, so you have nothing to worry about
You also have your mum to help you out which is brilliant! I'm sure she will support you all the way and make sure you attend appointments if you ever have any problems with that
:mad::mad::mad::mad:
Saying a problem "doesn't matter" does not make it magically disappear.
That's exactly what people who are self-confident, and have no idea what low-self-esteem is say
Stupid advice and shows you don't understand the problem.
Low-self-confidence prevents anything from happening., so they can't happen.
If you feel good about how you look, the rest should come along nicely
Dont go using a prostitue, really cant believe people suggested that.:mad: Live as you want to live, so what if you dont 'lose it' till 40/50/60 it should be on your terms not to someone whos getting paid for it.
He was talking about Omagh, not Belfast.
I definitely agree with you that counselling can make things worse, by making people more self-conscious of their problems.
I'm glad you are feeling more optimistic, the whole tone of this post is different from your previous ones! I don't think you should be setting a yourself a deadline though, or making 30 the magic age that everything must be sorted out by.
I think the opposite, that it would be a very bad idea. Maybe we should have a poll on this question!:D
I agree with you that self-confident people just don't have a clue what these kind of problems are like, but sometimes it can help if you can find a way to distract yourself and make yourself forget about your problems, giving things a chance to naturally work themselves out.
OP, sex might be sex but do you honestly think you'll feel any different in yourself from one cheap bunk up with some t*rt you probably won't even fancy? Won't know the name of? Don't you think you're worth more than that, that you owe it to yourself to sort out the bigger picture?
Do you honestly think that having sex with some random hooker is a rite of passage into a perfect life, or even the first step on the road to happiness?
There are MANY people your age yet to lose their virginity. Stop focusing on it, it's so not the issue. You really do need to look at you and why you're the way you are and what you can do on a positive level to work on improving your mental health.
My initial thoughts are that you need to get some fresh air and exercise, boost your endorphins. Could you get a dog? It's surprising how much you do when you HAVE to do it because someone or something depends on you. Especially if you love them. Maybe the dog will end up walking you
You need to make sure your meds (if you still take them?) are right for you by speaking to a specialist or a private doctor (if you have health insurance). You must remember to back up any meds with a healthy diet, no alcohol, no tobacco.
Counselling wise, there are many ways to get your feelings out - a blog, a diary, an email buddy - whatever works for you, but you need to try not to go around in circles. For every negative thought try to balance it with a positive one - for example - 'I don't have any friends' needs to be supplemented with 'but I believe in myself and I'm working to make friends' - even if you have downtimes when you might not believe it always. I'm not suggesting you join a salsa class (yet!!) but you could go to a group which doesn't focus directly on group or even one to one interaction - for example, art class, or even distance learning where the interaction is minimal. Do whatever you can and whatever you feel meets your current limits before you stretch them.
I'm sure that you're a great guy, genuinely, and the fact you've posted on here means that you want help, but help comes from within, cheesy but true. The rest is a support structure only. I wish you all the best but please, don't focus on what you don't have and quick fixes. A happier and healthier you might take a while but progress is what you're looking for, not unrealistic goals.
Good grief! A bit of good advice for once!
I can't believe that people are advising someone with low self esteem to go to a prostitute!
Would that really make the OP feel any better? Really?
It won't make the self-disgust worse at all? You think?
There are some posters on here with some very strange lifestyles.