If you raise a spoilt little brat, you're doing him a disservice,as you're screwing up his future, no matter how good it makes you feel to spoil him in the present day.
Yes. Because the word "spoilt" indicates that you are giving them everything and not expecting anything in return in the way of proper behaviour.
Giving a child lots of stuff, if you can afford it, is no problem per se. It is when they just expect it all the time and don't appreciate it or care where it comes from that it is an issue.
What there are are lots of children who have been bought expensive gifts to make up for the poor parenting. And then there's all the children who don't get the gifts and still have the bad parenting.
And poor parenting covers everything from messing up the family by divorcing, to spending no time with children and putting one's own needs first, to getting obsessed with money and again leaving the upbringing of your children to others.
A large number of parents manage the balance well, lots of others don't.
And people naively point the finger at how much money is spent.
What there are are lots of children who have been bought expensive gifts to make up for the poor parenting. And then there's all the children who don't get the gifts and still have the bad parenting.
And poor parenting covers everything from messing up the family by divorcing, to spending no time with children and putting one's own needs first, to getting obsessed with money and again leaving the upbringing of your children to others.
A large number of parents manage the balance well, lots of others don't.
And people naively point the finger at how much money is spent.
you can make things better for your child by divorcing
me and my boy are both happier since its just us two
I know a girl who is the most spoil child I have ever met.
She gets no joy for Christmas and birthdays because they are just like any other day for her, when you have everything you want what more is there to get!?
True, but your viewpoint is from a parent who likes to spoil their child. My viewpoint is from a lad who used to know a 'popular' spoilt child who had everything.
Trust me, when lads hit a certain age, the blokes who have had to rely on developing a sense of humour, charm, wit, panache, will do better with the girls, real world mates, and careers, than the mummy's boys who have never had to fight or desire or battle for anything, and no matter how many xbox games they have, their 'mates' fill fade away.
I know the motherly instinct is to spoil him, and at the time I would have loved to be spoilt, but believe me you're not doing him any favours in the long run.
True, but your viewpoint is from a parent who likes to spoil their child. My viewpoint is from a lad who used to know a 'popular' spoilt child who had everything.
Trust me, when lads hit a certain age, the blokes who have had to rely on developing a sense of humour, charm, wit, panache, will do better with the girls, real world mates, and careers, than the mummy's boys who have never had to fight or desire or battle for anything, and no matter how many xbox games they have, their 'mates' fill fade away.
I know the motherly instinct is to spoil him, and at the time I would have loved to be spoilt, but believe me you're not doing him any favours in the long run.
You can be given most everything you want and still be a lovely person with loads of friends. I had nothing as a kid but had friends with everything and they would share with me, they would also share their mum and dad. :D
Thats two post today that you have made that are a bit over the top
It's not just money, though. Some parents do everything for their children, even when they are adults. I know a couple of grown-up 'children' in their 30s whose parents still pay for lots of their bills and expenses, and sort everything out for them, so they never have to think or do anything for themselves. It's very bad for them - they're never going to be independent whilst they don't need to be. One has never supported himself and is still living off his retired parents.
It's not just money, though. Some parents do everything for their children, even when they are adults. I know a couple of grown-up 'children' in their 30s whose parents still pay for lots of their bills and expenses, and sort everything out for them, so they never have to think or do anything for themselves. It's very bad for them - they're never going to be independent whilst they don't need to be. One has never supported himself and is still living off his retired parents.
thats it isnt it.. there is given them nice things and then there is ruining them for life experiences. they should all do chores and learn values, no matter if they get everything or nothing
thats it isnt it.. there is given them nice things and then there is ruining them for life experiences. they should all do chores and learn values, no matter if they get everything or nothing
I think the parents just get used to stepping in all the time, taking responsibility for everything, long after their children should have taken responsibility for themselves. Buying nice things all the time and making life permanently easy for them can lead to their children growing up believing that they deserve it but don't have to earn it.
I know from my own childhood and that of my children and grandchildren that those children who get everything they want are not very popular with others,partly because children like to brag, and partly because who wants to be friends with someone who always has more than you?
My wife's parents split up when she was 17 and her sister was 8. Previously having been raised by both parents, the sister was then taken to the USA and raised soley by my wife's dad. (the wife had already left home at this point).
The sister was subsequently spoilt rotten with out her mothers more conservative influence and has ended up a very different person to my wife. She (the sister) is a nice and funny person, but can be very self centered and often can only see things from her point of view. More noticeably she never really grateful for anything. She got given a new car and barely batted an eyelid. The dad has bought a house for her to live in and she just acted like it was one of those things that happens. She always just expects stuff to be handed her on a plate and i think it would do her the world of good for this not to happen...
I probably do spoil my son, and my nieces - there are worst things in terms of parenting. I think it is about making sure your child understands and respects work ethic - I can buy you these things because I work really hard to earn money etc. The difficulty is when a child thinks everything they want in life will be free and available at their whim.
Yes, because if you give them everything they want they will know the price of everything and the value of nothing, and they will have no appreciation of what makes people truly happy.
I probably do spoil my son, and my nieces - there are worst things in terms of parenting. I think it is about making sure your child understands and respects work ethic - I can buy you these things because I work really hard to earn money etc. The difficulty is when a child thinks everything they want in life will be free and available at their whim.
I don't want to have kids but work ethic is definitely important. I know some of my fellow students could do with some work ethic Some of them when working on group assignments just expect me to do all the work and they sit back and do nothing while I spend hours and hours doing all the research and writing. I can only imagine some of those people in a job. They'd be the ones who would sit around the office all day doing nothing and never meeting deadlines/taking days off here and there/not turning up to meetings while I would be the one working longer hours to meet deadlines.
I know people say you shouldn't spoil your kids or buy them what they want. However, I was wondering if it really is such a bad thing?
When I was growing up my parents always gave in to any of my silly requests and bought me anything I asked for (even a dog!). They treated my brother the same way (we have a large age gap), and although they were never terribly well-off financially, they would get tickets to the moon if we asked them nicely
Even though both me and my brother could be mouthy at times, I'd like to think that we nevertheless grew up to be respectful and kind adults and we both appreciate what our parents had done for us. (Although we don't show it often enough :rolleyes:)
I have a little girl and I bring her up the same way. I usually spoil her rotten I was told by many that I'm doing wrong and that she'll grow up to be a disrespectful spoilt brat and that I will live to regret it.
What do people think?
Sometimes kids will grow up thinking that they can have whatever they want.
I don't think you should spoil your children, but equally you shouldn't say, "you're only getting one present per year, because that's life! Learn to deal with it!" or something along those lines...
I agree children should be children as long as possible. Lets be honest they grow up fast enough these days!
But that said if you (and I'm not meaning you personally Xela)allow yourself to get into debt just so you can keep up with your child's demands then more fool the parents I say. At the end of the day children can still have brilliant childhoods even if they know their parents dont have bottomless pits of cash. I think its best that children don't grow up with the mantra "What I want I get" as they will be in for a nasty shock when they realise life is not like that.
Love, affection and spending quality time with your children cannot be bought.
I spoil my godkids something rotten - I don't have any of my own and I always get them gorgeous things!
Spend loads of time with them and they come see me as a fairy godmum - not just in terms of gifts but there to sort out problems for them etc if I can.
Love seeing their little faces when I buy them nice things - they are always super grateful and are not spoilt brats.
I have always taught them that nice things are expensive and they will have to work hard to buy things for their kids and godkids in the future.
It's clear as day to everybody, and as obvious as the day is long, that spoiling a kid has detrimental effects on their character, their sense of value, their friendships (everybody wanted to be "best mates" with the spoilt lad who had the 50cc quad bike), and guaranteed all the kids will talk about you behind your back "Mummy's boy, spoilt tw4t " etc.
The only people in this thread who are understandably trying to suggest it's a good thing, are a few well meaning mothers with big hearts who can't resist spoiling their kids.
I would have loved parents like that as a kid, as I'm sure we all would have, but seriously, you're not doing them any favours, you're only making yourself feel good. You need to be cruel to be kind. Well not even cruel, just normal
Do they ever play with those toys or wear those clothes?
...
They don't play with all the toys- I know that as my friend admits it. They haven't asked for all these toys, she just buys them!
And as for the clothes so many of them still have the tags on. It makes me sad in a way as my friend won't buy herself new clothes that she needs but she will buy designer clothes for the kids all the time even though they don't need them as they have a wardrobe bulging!
Comments
Not necessarily, that doesn't apply for everyone.
Giving a child lots of stuff, if you can afford it, is no problem per se. It is when they just expect it all the time and don't appreciate it or care where it comes from that it is an issue.
What there are are lots of children who have been bought expensive gifts to make up for the poor parenting. And then there's all the children who don't get the gifts and still have the bad parenting.
And poor parenting covers everything from messing up the family by divorcing, to spending no time with children and putting one's own needs first, to getting obsessed with money and again leaving the upbringing of your children to others.
A large number of parents manage the balance well, lots of others don't.
And people naively point the finger at how much money is spent.
you can make things better for your child by divorcing
me and my boy are both happier since its just us two
She gets no joy for Christmas and birthdays because they are just like any other day for her, when you have everything you want what more is there to get!?
True, but your viewpoint is from a parent who likes to spoil their child. My viewpoint is from a lad who used to know a 'popular' spoilt child who had everything.
Trust me, when lads hit a certain age, the blokes who have had to rely on developing a sense of humour, charm, wit, panache, will do better with the girls, real world mates, and careers, than the mummy's boys who have never had to fight or desire or battle for anything, and no matter how many xbox games they have, their 'mates' fill fade away.
I know the motherly instinct is to spoil him, and at the time I would have loved to be spoilt, but believe me you're not doing him any favours in the long run.
You can be given most everything you want and still be a lovely person with loads of friends. I had nothing as a kid but had friends with everything and they would share with me, they would also share their mum and dad.
Thats two post today that you have made that are a bit over the top
thats it isnt it.. there is given them nice things and then there is ruining them for life experiences. they should all do chores and learn values, no matter if they get everything or nothing
I'm sure that's correct. I'm just talking from my own experience, but am sure your snugglekins bucks the trend
I think the parents just get used to stepping in all the time, taking responsibility for everything, long after their children should have taken responsibility for themselves. Buying nice things all the time and making life permanently easy for them can lead to their children growing up believing that they deserve it but don't have to earn it.
The sister was subsequently spoilt rotten with out her mothers more conservative influence and has ended up a very different person to my wife. She (the sister) is a nice and funny person, but can be very self centered and often can only see things from her point of view. More noticeably she never really grateful for anything. She got given a new car and barely batted an eyelid. The dad has bought a house for her to live in and she just acted like it was one of those things that happens. She always just expects stuff to be handed her on a plate and i think it would do her the world of good for this not to happen...
Yes, because if you give them everything they want they will know the price of everything and the value of nothing, and they will have no appreciation of what makes people truly happy.
Do they ever play with those toys or wear those clothes?
I don't want to have kids but work ethic is definitely important. I know some of my fellow students could do with some work ethic
Sorry if I went off-topic...
Sometimes kids will grow up thinking that they can have whatever they want.
Obviously it's a bad thing.
Seconded!
Spend loads of time with them and they come see me as a fairy godmum - not just in terms of gifts but there to sort out problems for them etc if I can.
Love seeing their little faces when I buy them nice things - they are always super grateful and are not spoilt brats.
I have always taught them that nice things are expensive and they will have to work hard to buy things for their kids and godkids in the future.
The only people in this thread who are understandably trying to suggest it's a good thing, are a few well meaning mothers with big hearts who can't resist spoiling their kids.
I would have loved parents like that as a kid, as I'm sure we all would have, but seriously, you're not doing them any favours, you're only making yourself feel good. You need to be cruel to be kind. Well not even cruel, just normal
and time!
They don't play with all the toys- I know that as my friend admits it. They haven't asked for all these toys, she just buys them!
And as for the clothes so many of them still have the tags on. It makes me sad in a way as my friend won't buy herself new clothes that she needs but she will buy designer clothes for the kids all the time even though they don't need them as they have a wardrobe bulging!