How much notice did you give him when asking him to pick up your son?
Did you even ask if he had any plans or just assume he would do it?
Not excuse his actions but if you know your Dad is short tempered asking him to come out at the last minute in very bad weather (weather you struggled to cope with) is not going to make him in a very good mood.
In the current weather you Dad dont want be waiting around ages while you child plays. Was he early? Late? Arrive at your normal time? If he arrived at your normal time should not the nursery have your child ready? Again travelling in this weather is hard enough without any delays. Did it take your Dad any long to get back to your place? Maybe he had something to do and all this made him late?
How much notice did you give him when asking him to pick up your son?
Did you even ask if he had any plans or just assume he would do it?
Not excuse his actions but if you know your Dad is short tempered asking him to come out at the last minute in very bad weather (weather you struggled to cope with) is not going to make him in a very good mood.
In the current weather you Dad dont want be waiting around ages while you child plays. Was he early? Late? Arrive at your normal time? If he arrived at your normal time should not the nursery have your child ready? Again travelling in this weather is hard enough without any delays. Did it take your Dad any long to get back to your place? Maybe he had something to do and all this made him late?
If his dad couldn't/wouldn't do it he should've just said no - there is NO excuse for behaviour like that. If anyone treated my daughters like that I would be furious and wouldn't be allowing them to be around them. Unacceptable.
Wizard, I'd leave it for them to get in contact if they want to and then explain calmly his behaviour was unacceptable and they won't be seeing your son unsupervised again.
If his dad couldn't/wouldn't do it he should've just said no - there is NO excuse for behaviour like that. If anyone treated my daughters like that I would be furious and wouldn't be allowing them to be around them. Unacceptable.
Wizard, I'd leave it for them to get in contact if they want to and then explain calmly his behaviour was unacceptable and they won't be seeing your son unsupervised again.
Was he given a chance to say no? Or was it, "i can not pick him up so will you".
He might not even have said yes his wife might have picked up the phone and it was a case of "of course your dad will do it he not doing anything" Its not rare for us men to "volunteer" for something we dont know about.
At the moment there is little information to go on, Was he hanging around the nursery for along time? Did he drive and parked 15-20 minutes away? Was he parked outside with a traffic warden eyeing up his car as his only chance to write up a ticket that day. Had he just slipped over in the snow?
Seems mum and dad aren't worth the misery and funny how quickly they can say your not welcome here anymore very strange sometimes there's more to a story.
Was he given a chance to say no? Or was it, "i can not pick him up so will you".
He might not even have said yes his wife might have picked up the phone and it was a case of "of course your dad will do it he not doing anything" Its not rare for us men to "volunteer" for something we dont know about.
At the moment there is little information to go on, Was he hanging around the nursery for along time? Did he drive and parked 15-20 minutes away? Was he parked outside with a traffic warden eyeing up his car as his only chance to write up a ticket that day. Had he just slipped over in the snow?
Everything is not just black and white,
"I cannot pick him up so will you?" is a question that of course he could say "no I can't, you'll have to find another solution". I honestly would not think any of those situations and I can't think of any that would justify speaking and smacking a 2.5 year old (or any child) like the way the nursery staff have described. You just don't do it. I get frustrated by outside influences all the time but I NEVER let it show when dealing with my children. It's just not on.
"I cannot pick him up so will you?" is a question that of course he could say "no I can't, you'll have to find another solution". I honestly would not think any of those situations and I can't think of any that would justify speaking and smacking a 2.5 year old (or any child) like the way the nursery staff have described. You just don't do it. I get frustrated by outside influences all the time but I NEVER let it show when dealing with my children. It's just not on.
But thats you belives.
His Dad does belive in smacking a child (I personally dont see a issue with it if used rarely).
If you dont agree with someone ways of displine a child then dont ask the person to look after you child just because you dont fancy going out in the snow (but you clearly dont mind sending a older person who is short tempered in this weather you dont want to go out in)
How much notice did you give him when asking him to pick up your son?
25 minutes notice and it takes him less than 5 minutes by car
Did you even ask if he had any plans or just assume he would do it?
I said if you're busy or don't want to, that's fine but I'd have to set off now if he couldn't, just to give me enough time to get there in the snow. I explained several times that I'd be prepared to go if he was too busy but I just didn't fancy it having battled with the pram in the snow that morning.
Not excuse his actions but if you know your Dad is short tempered asking him to come out at the last minute in very bad weather (weather you struggled to cope with) is not going to make him in a very good mood.
In the current weather you Dad dont want be waiting around ages while you child plays. Was he early? Late? Arrive at your normal time? If he arrived at your normal time should not the nursery have your child ready? Again travelling in this weather is hard enough without any delays. Did it take your Dad any long to get back to your place? Maybe he had something to do and all this made him late?
The roads were clear it's just the pavements that were dangerous. He wouldn't have struggled. He possibly did arrive on time seeing as it doesn't take very long for him to get there. The nursery is not far from his house. They never get the children ready for picking up. Something I think they should do especially if people are in a rush. I will suggest it to them. With regards to getting back, he was 20 minutes and I did think it was a long time. When he's done it before he's usually back by 10 past. Now that could have been due to my son messing about or (if he had been crying for whatever reason ) maybe he wanted to give him time to calm down before handing him over to me. My dad is retired and anything he had to do couldn't have been that urgent. Even so you don't take it out on a little boy.
awww but nowadays everyone is such a expert on the in goings on of persons mind a 2 year olds drawings will tell you if the child will grow up to work in the postroom or become a mass murderer now. I sure there has been a 5 minute piece on this morning about it
His Dad does belive in smacking a child (I personally dont see a issue with it if used rarely).
If you dont agree with someone ways of displine a child then dont ask the person to look after you child just because you dont fancy going out in the snow (but you clearly dont mind sending a older person who is short tempered in this weather you dont want to go out in)
But the OP says he's never behaved this way toward his child before - sounds like he won't be entrusting him to do it again but that doesn't make it OK that he did it the first time. My Mum was a crappy Mum in lots of ways but is a great Grandma - however if she ever "slipped" and was crappy again I wouldn't think it was OK as that's how she used to be.
Your parents don't sound like good role models for your son tbh, maybe you should just keep your distance:(
Explain to the nursery that your Dad is stressed, and won't be picking up your son again, that should be the end of it as far as they're concerned, surely?
25 minutes notice and it takes him less than 5 minutes by car
I said if you're busy or don't want to that's fine but I'd have to set off now if he couldn't to give me enough time to get there in the snow.
The roads were clear it's just the pavements that were dangerous. He wouldn't have struggled. He possibly did arrive on time seeing as it doesn't take very long for him to get there. The nursery is not far from his house. They never get the children ready for picking up. Something I think they should do especially if people are in a rush. I will suggest it to them. With regards to getting back, he was 20 minutes and I did think it was a long time. When he's done it before he's usually back by 10 past. Now that could have been due to my son messing about or (if he had been crying for whatever reason ) maybe he wanted to give him time to calm down before handing him over to me. My dad is retired and anything he had to do couldn't have been that urgent. Even so you don't take it out on a little boy.
BIB - you assume because he is retired that anything he does isn't urgent, have you actually bothered to ask him what he does all day? My parents are both retired and they have busy lives and actually do things during the day that to some may not seem urgent or important but to them they are. You also gave him 25 minutes warning, maybe he felt like he couldn't say no. I am not excusing his behaviour but you expect someone just because they are retired to drop everything because you don't want to go out in the snow and then you wonder why he is grumpy!
Seems you lost mum and dad you'll soon realise how difficult life will be now, :cool:
Before you investigated you made your mind up already believing others before your parents, even if you made up it will always be between you,especially when they will never be allowed to look after your son alone so move on :cool:
Your parents don't sound like good role models for your son tbh, maybe you should just keep your distance:(
Explain to the nursery that your Dad is stressed, and won't be picking up your son again, that should be the end of it as far as they're concerned, surely?
Yes I've every intention of that and also have his access rights removed from the fingerprint scanner.
25 minutes notice and it takes him less than 5 minutes by car
I said if you're busy or don't want to that's fine but I'd have to set off now if he couldn't to give me enough time to get there in the snow.
The roads were clear it's just the pavements that were dangerous. He wouldn't have struggled. He possibly did arrive on time seeing as it doesn't take very long for him to get there. The nursery is not far from his house. They never get the children ready for picking up. Something I think they should do especially if people are in a rush. I will suggest it to them. With regards to getting back, he was 20 minutes and I did think it was a long time. When he's done it before he's usually back by 10 past. Now that could have been due to my son messing about or (if he had been crying for whatever reason ) maybe he wanted to give him time to calm down before handing him over to me. My dad is retired and anything he had to do couldn't have been that urgent. Even so you don't take it out on a little boy.
If he any thing like alot of retired people i know he going to be more busy then if he was working. "Nothing that urgent" pretty dismisive of the way he spends his time dont you think?
25 minutes notice is not really that much is it? Ok it only takes 5 minutes in the car but he would still have to drive more slowly in the weather conditons etc, Could you have not phoned a hour or so before? The weather did not really change in 5-10 minutes did it? It was pretty much the same all day.
So he was either sitting around for 20 odd minutes calming your kid down or your son delayed him for 20 minutes?
Not saying he should have done what he did but if your son was still playing around after 20 minutes of Dad getting there again you can not blame someone you know has a short temper to be in a bad mood. Does your son normally make you hang around waiting for so long?
If so again you know your Dad is strict and while you accept waiting for your son, Your Dad would not think waiting around for a 2 year old child acceptable
I dont know why you trusted your dad with your son im sure you have made other threads about how he is with you, your wife and son.
I read one ( maybe its the wrong poster?) where you said you did not like your parents looking after your child but as he was in bed it was OK to leave him there.
BIB - you assume because he is retired that anything he does isn't urgent, have you actually bothered to ask him what he does all day? My parents are both retired and they have busy lives and actually do things during the day that to some may not seem urgent or important but to them they are. You also gave him 25 minutes warning, maybe he felt like he couldn't say no. I am not excusing his behaviour but you expect someone just because they are retired to drop everything because you don't want to go out in the snow and then you wonder why he is grumpy!
Well I gave him adequate opportunity to say no if he didn't want to do it. You shouldn't agree to do something you don't want to do then get angry at people about it. Nevertheless that's still no excuse for walking into a nursery shouting bloody this and that and pulling a child around till he falls over.
The 'look at what you've bloody done now' line is a classic thing that an abusive person would say to divert the blame. It reminded me of a scene in an NSPCC advert from a few years back where it portrayed a father who beat his child then said, 'look at what you made me do now!' Abusive people are very good at diverting the blame and making the victim feel like they 'asked for it'.
Well I gave him adequate opportunity to say no if he didn't want to do it. You shouldn't agree to do something you don't want to do then get angry at people about it. Nevertheless that's still no excuse for walking into a nursery shouting bloody this and that and pulling a child around till he falls over.
The 'look at what you've bloody done now' line is a classic thing that an abusive person would say to divert the blame. It reminded me of a scene in an NSPCC advert from a few years back where it portrayed a father who beat his child then said, 'look at what you made me do now!' Abusive people are very good at diverting the blame and.making the victim feel like they 'asked for it'.
Did your Dad abuse you?
If so can i ask why you leave him with them when you go to the gym and go out for weekends?
Well I gave him adequate opportunity to say no if he didn't want to do it. You shouldn't agree to do something you don't want to do then get angry at people about it. Nevertheless that's still no excuse for walking into a nursery shouting bloody this and that and pulling a child around till he falls over.
The 'look at what you've bloody done now' line is a classic thing that an abusive person would say to divert the blame. It reminded me of a scene in an NSPCC advert from a few years back where it portrayed a father who beat his child then said, 'look at what you made me do now!' Abusive people are very good at diverting the blame and.making the victim feel like they 'asked for it'.
No you did not give him adequte time, He had to tell you that second if he could do it or not as you said "i have to leave now to get there"
Comments
Did you even ask if he had any plans or just assume he would do it?
Not excuse his actions but if you know your Dad is short tempered asking him to come out at the last minute in very bad weather (weather you struggled to cope with) is not going to make him in a very good mood.
In the current weather you Dad dont want be waiting around ages while you child plays. Was he early? Late? Arrive at your normal time? If he arrived at your normal time should not the nursery have your child ready? Again travelling in this weather is hard enough without any delays. Did it take your Dad any long to get back to your place? Maybe he had something to do and all this made him late?
If his dad couldn't/wouldn't do it he should've just said no - there is NO excuse for behaviour like that. If anyone treated my daughters like that I would be furious and wouldn't be allowing them to be around them. Unacceptable.
Wizard, I'd leave it for them to get in contact if they want to and then explain calmly his behaviour was unacceptable and they won't be seeing your son unsupervised again.
Was he given a chance to say no? Or was it, "i can not pick him up so will you".
He might not even have said yes his wife might have picked up the phone and it was a case of "of course your dad will do it he not doing anything" Its not rare for us men to "volunteer" for something we dont know about.
At the moment there is little information to go on, Was he hanging around the nursery for along time? Did he drive and parked 15-20 minutes away? Was he parked outside with a traffic warden eyeing up his car as his only chance to write up a ticket that day. Had he just slipped over in the snow?
Everything is not just black and white,
Seems mum and dad aren't worth the misery and funny how quickly they can say your not welcome here anymore very strange sometimes there's more to a story.
Exactly,
Although they quite happy to not have them around again saying your not welcome so must be more to it all.
That's probably why Dad thinks its ok to be aggressive. :cool:
"I cannot pick him up so will you?" is a question that of course he could say "no I can't, you'll have to find another solution". I honestly would not think any of those situations and I can't think of any that would justify speaking and smacking a 2.5 year old (or any child) like the way the nursery staff have described. You just don't do it. I get frustrated by outside influences all the time but I NEVER let it show when dealing with my children. It's just not on.
Have you ever seen a 2 year old's drawings?
But thats you belives.
His Dad does belive in smacking a child (I personally dont see a issue with it if used rarely).
If you dont agree with someone ways of displine a child then dont ask the person to look after you child just because you dont fancy going out in the snow (but you clearly dont mind sending a older person who is short tempered in this weather you dont want to go out in)
25 minutes notice and it takes him less than 5 minutes by car
I said if you're busy or don't want to, that's fine but I'd have to set off now if he couldn't, just to give me enough time to get there in the snow. I explained several times that I'd be prepared to go if he was too busy but I just didn't fancy it having battled with the pram in the snow that morning.
The roads were clear it's just the pavements that were dangerous. He wouldn't have struggled. He possibly did arrive on time seeing as it doesn't take very long for him to get there. The nursery is not far from his house. They never get the children ready for picking up. Something I think they should do especially if people are in a rush. I will suggest it to them. With regards to getting back, he was 20 minutes and I did think it was a long time. When he's done it before he's usually back by 10 past. Now that could have been due to my son messing about or (if he had been crying for whatever reason ) maybe he wanted to give him time to calm down before handing him over to me. My dad is retired and anything he had to do couldn't have been that urgent. Even so you don't take it out on a little boy.
awww but nowadays everyone is such a expert on the in goings on of persons mind a 2 year olds drawings will tell you if the child will grow up to work in the postroom or become a mass murderer now. I sure there has been a 5 minute piece on this morning about it
But the OP says he's never behaved this way toward his child before - sounds like he won't be entrusting him to do it again but that doesn't make it OK that he did it the first time. My Mum was a crappy Mum in lots of ways but is a great Grandma - however if she ever "slipped" and was crappy again I wouldn't think it was OK as that's how she used to be.
Explain to the nursery that your Dad is stressed, and won't be picking up your son again, that should be the end of it as far as they're concerned, surely?
BIB - you assume because he is retired that anything he does isn't urgent, have you actually bothered to ask him what he does all day? My parents are both retired and they have busy lives and actually do things during the day that to some may not seem urgent or important but to them they are. You also gave him 25 minutes warning, maybe he felt like he couldn't say no. I am not excusing his behaviour but you expect someone just because they are retired to drop everything because you don't want to go out in the snow and then you wonder why he is grumpy!
Before you investigated you made your mind up already believing others before your parents, even if you made up it will always be between you,especially when they will never be allowed to look after your son alone so move on :cool:
Yes I've every intention of that and also have his access rights removed from the fingerprint scanner.
If he any thing like alot of retired people i know he going to be more busy then if he was working. "Nothing that urgent" pretty dismisive of the way he spends his time dont you think?
25 minutes notice is not really that much is it? Ok it only takes 5 minutes in the car but he would still have to drive more slowly in the weather conditons etc, Could you have not phoned a hour or so before? The weather did not really change in 5-10 minutes did it? It was pretty much the same all day.
So he was either sitting around for 20 odd minutes calming your kid down or your son delayed him for 20 minutes?
Not saying he should have done what he did but if your son was still playing around after 20 minutes of Dad getting there again you can not blame someone you know has a short temper to be in a bad mood. Does your son normally make you hang around waiting for so long?
If so again you know your Dad is strict and while you accept waiting for your son, Your Dad would not think waiting around for a 2 year old child acceptable
It's not my job to take care of my nephew, but if I'm asked to do it that doesn't mean I get to treat him badly if I feel like it.
If I were you OP I wouldn't leave him alone with your son. It's not worth it.
I read one ( maybe its the wrong poster?) where you said you did not like your parents looking after your child but as he was in bed it was OK to leave him there.
Well I gave him adequate opportunity to say no if he didn't want to do it. You shouldn't agree to do something you don't want to do then get angry at people about it. Nevertheless that's still no excuse for walking into a nursery shouting bloody this and that and pulling a child around till he falls over.
The 'look at what you've bloody done now' line is a classic thing that an abusive person would say to divert the blame. It reminded me of a scene in an NSPCC advert from a few years back where it portrayed a father who beat his child then said, 'look at what you made me do now!' Abusive people are very good at diverting the blame and making the victim feel like they 'asked for it'.
Did your Dad abuse you?
If so can i ask why you leave him with them when you go to the gym and go out for weekends?
No you did not give him adequte time, He had to tell you that second if he could do it or not as you said "i have to leave now to get there"