Isn't a relationship more about being friends at first and then seeing where it develops. If you build up expectations, then surely if might become a disappointment. So change your way of thinking and you might find yourself in a happier place for the start of something refreshing and interesting for you.
There are some pretty odd ideas about women and married life here.
Both me and my wife do what we want, when we want (within reason). Not all women are control freaks.
The same nonsense gets trotted out ad infinitum here on DS, women are control freaks who makes their husbands life a misery until the day he dies.
Which rather goes against statistics that declare married men to live longer than their single chums. Surely if married men were so miserable with their wives, they'd die much sooner since stress is one of the biggest killers in this country or maybe just maybe women aren't so bad afterall!
The same nonsense gets trotted out ad infinitum here on DS, women are control freaks who makes their husbands life a misery until the day he dies.
I wouldn't go that far but every man I know in a long term relationship complains now and again about having to do something because the woman suggested it or not being able to something because she doesn't like it.
It's rarely a major moan. It's not making them unhappy as such - but they are clearly having to compromise and when it comes to the home every man in a long term relationship seems to be doing his partner suggests. Probably because men, when it comes down to it, are not really interested in that stuff. As long as there's a TV and a couch most men are happy.
I'm not single as in 'never have anything to do with women'. I've had several short term relationships. They always ended because the woman started suggesting that I change something in my life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong about that - merely that I don't want to change and I have never met a woman who truly liked my house and my life the way it is. I wouldn't ever expect to. Women and men are different.
Most of the women I have fancied and one that I nearly got together with wanted the home, car and 2 kids scenario.
Maybe there should be a dating website called Real Ale and farting about.com
If I wasn't already taken, I'd definitely have joined that.
The same nonsense gets trotted out ad infinitum here on DS, women are control freaks who makes their husbands life a misery until the day he dies.
Which rather goes against statistics that declare married men to live longer than their single chums. Surely if married men were so miserable with their wives, they'd die much sooner since stress is one of the biggest killers in this country or maybe just maybe women aren't so bad afterall!
"Married men live longer. Yes. And an indoor cat also lives longer. It's a furball with a broken spirit, that can only look out on a world it can never enjoy. But it does technically live longer."
-Bill Maher
I can understand why some women choose to be single.
I can also understand why many gay men are single.
But what I don't understand is why some straight men choose to be single. I do know some of them in their 40s and never married and not intented to (they mostly could find somebody if they make an effort and not having unrealistic expectation). I don't want to ask them why (it's a men thing of not talking that kind of thing). Anyone could thnk of why?
I have never wanted children, and most women do. I also enjoyed my freedom. That is why i stayed single.
Long term illness now suggests i will not find anyone. I'm too ill to enter into a relationship.
I wouldn't go that far but every man I know in a long term relationship complains now and again about having to do something because the woman suggested it or not being able to something because she doesn't like it.
It's rarely a major moan. It's not making them unhappy as such - but they are clearly having to compromise and when it comes to the home every man in a long term relationship seems to be doing his partner suggests. Probably because men, when it comes down to it, are not really interested in that stuff. As long as there's a TV and a couch most men are happy.
I'm not single as in 'never have anything to do with women'. I've had several short term relationships. They always ended because the woman started suggesting that I change something in my life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong about that - merely that I don't want to change and I have never met a woman who truly liked my house and my life the way it is. I wouldn't ever expect to. Women and men are different.
That tends to happen for women in relationships also. It's part of being in a partnership - you can't do exactly what you want when there is another person to consider.
The same nonsense gets trotted out ad infinitum here on DS, women are control freaks who makes their husbands life a misery until the day he dies.
Which rather goes against statistics that declare married men to live longer than their single chums. Surely if married men were so miserable with their wives, they'd die much sooner since stress is one of the biggest killers in this country or maybe just maybe women aren't so bad afterall!
Maybe some men saying this have had a bad experience. Others I suppose cling to any excuse - to themselves and/or to others for not being with a woman.
Maybe some men saying this have had a bad experience. Others I suppose cling to any excuse - to themselves and/or to others for not being with a woman.
Bad experiences can range from a variety of things, in my case, my parents messy divorce and the aftermath of it and the consistent rejection and being cheated on that I have seen myself and more recently, a mate of mine go through with all the negativity, sadness and fallout that brings. It can cloud your judgement and really put you off.
There are other things to consider - the stigma that can be attached to a long term single male, like the nonsense sprouted about how I mentioned before that long term single males are gay and in denial and/or how they are alone because they are "beta/omega" "nice guys" with misogynistic tendencies. Men who lack experience in relationships can also be seen with suspicion or as a "red flag" to other women. You also tend to get more used to your own company and all the habits you developed over a long time, which can be difficult or even impossible to get out of when you suddenly find yourself in a relationship.
Single men outnumber single women according to research from Edinburgh University with statistics from the Office of National Statistics. This data is also backed up by experiences of online dating (you can see this in the eHarmony thread in advice), women get bombarded with messages whilst men have to do the messaging. A real difficulty for anyone with social anxiety, shyness, lack of confidence, fear of rejection or communication issues. Therapy can only go so far and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is not the 100% miracule cure some people make it out to be, some people do not even respond to CBT at all.
Something that affects both men and women is the concept of 'last one standing', where even by someone's late 20's, all their friends and acquaintances are in relationships, starting families and engaging with other couples, leaving them more isolated, less opportunities for blind dates, more alone and with a dwindling number of single people to meet.
And of course, some men may well just be asexual and aromantic.
"Mingers" are deserving of love too. Looks are not the be all and end all of attraction to someone, I'd favour personality and intellect over looks any day of the week.
Having said that, asking me for relationship advice is kind of like asking Kerry Katona for financial advice.
By the time you're in your 40's most of the available women of similar age are going to be divorced women with kids and a massive pile of emotional baggage and cats...not many men who have had a quiet life up till then will want to trade a nice quiet house for bringing up other peoples kids and running the risk she's gonna divorce you and leave you penniless and homeless after a few years
Chances are, if you are a single woman, you will be stuck with some bloke's emotional baggage of 4 previous relationships with women divorced,with kids and a house getting each one pregnant, running out on them, cos he's a useless **** and on to the next, or Access weekends of some poor, damaged kids, hating you instead of the dad who messed them up because he can't actually grow up and wants a Mum in the form of partner.
I have known since starting to think about relationships, probably in my early teens that I never want children.
Weighing up the pros and cons, I would rather be single and play video games and drink beer for the rest of my life.
Less selfish than leading someone on, promising things and then splitting up.
My husband is a devoted video game player (he takes his holidays around releases of video games) and plays them as many hours a day or week as he pleases. He doesn't drink beer, but he could if he wanted.
And he and I won't be having children.
The secret to this - and I know this will come as a shock to some - is only to marry someone who has the same ideals, goals and life plans as you do.
Not all men want to be tied down or have to worry about someone else..?
Just a thought?
That's just what my single son says. He loves his freedom to do what he wants when he wants. He had a bad experience with a girl a few years ago and has not wanted a serious relationship since then. She was very demanding and bossy and liked spending his money.
In a way I'd like him to settle down and maybe have kids but I think if he's happy that's all that matters really. He has a nice house and a very good job and expensive car. Most of his mates are married with several kids now and quite a few are really struggling financially.
I've been single for the past 13 years pretty much. I'm not sure it's so much about deciding to be single as just not making much effort.
I guess the most fanciable single guys will get picked up - but if you're not one of those then you're going to have to make an effort. And when you've been through failed relationships I guess you just stop thinking the effort is worth it.
That's just what my single son says. He loves his freedom to do what he wants when he wants. He had a bad experience with a girl a few years ago and has not wanted a serious relationship since then. She was very demanding and bossy and liked spending his money.
In a way I'd like him to settle down and maybe have kids but I think if he's happy that's all that matters really. He has a nice house and a very good job and expensive car. Most of his mates are married with several kids now and quite a few are really struggling financially.
My ex was like that - well, minus the money part - although the sheer cost is enough to put me off a committed relationship, as sad as that is.
Relationships really aren't all they are cracked up to be in my opinion.. okay - I assume some people do get lucky, but I seem to only ever end up with dependent worriers, whingers, depressives, moaners, arguers, naggers..
I don't need the hassle to be honest, I have a hard enough time looking after myself without having to worry about what a whole other person is doing and wants/needs.
Still waiting for a lovely independent liberal frugal hippy stoner like me though.. I just don't think she exists.
Comments
The same nonsense gets trotted out ad infinitum here on DS, women are control freaks who makes their husbands life a misery until the day he dies.
Which rather goes against statistics that declare married men to live longer than their single chums. Surely if married men were so miserable with their wives, they'd die much sooner since stress is one of the biggest killers in this country or maybe just maybe women aren't so bad afterall!
It's rarely a major moan. It's not making them unhappy as such - but they are clearly having to compromise and when it comes to the home every man in a long term relationship seems to be doing his partner suggests. Probably because men, when it comes down to it, are not really interested in that stuff. As long as there's a TV and a couch most men are happy.
I'm not single as in 'never have anything to do with women'. I've had several short term relationships. They always ended because the woman started suggesting that I change something in my life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong about that - merely that I don't want to change and I have never met a woman who truly liked my house and my life the way it is. I wouldn't ever expect to. Women and men are different.
If I wasn't already taken, I'd definitely have joined that.
"Married men live longer. Yes. And an indoor cat also lives longer. It's a furball with a broken spirit, that can only look out on a world it can never enjoy. But it does technically live longer."
-Bill Maher
I have never wanted children, and most women do. I also enjoyed my freedom. That is why i stayed single.
Long term illness now suggests i will not find anyone. I'm too ill to enter into a relationship.
That tends to happen for women in relationships also. It's part of being in a partnership - you can't do exactly what you want when there is another person to consider.
Maybe some men saying this have had a bad experience. Others I suppose cling to any excuse - to themselves and/or to others for not being with a woman.
There are other things to consider - the stigma that can be attached to a long term single male, like the nonsense sprouted about how I mentioned before that long term single males are gay and in denial and/or how they are alone because they are "beta/omega" "nice guys" with misogynistic tendencies. Men who lack experience in relationships can also be seen with suspicion or as a "red flag" to other women. You also tend to get more used to your own company and all the habits you developed over a long time, which can be difficult or even impossible to get out of when you suddenly find yourself in a relationship.
Single men outnumber single women according to research from Edinburgh University with statistics from the Office of National Statistics. This data is also backed up by experiences of online dating (you can see this in the eHarmony thread in advice), women get bombarded with messages whilst men have to do the messaging. A real difficulty for anyone with social anxiety, shyness, lack of confidence, fear of rejection or communication issues. Therapy can only go so far and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is not the 100% miracule cure some people make it out to be, some people do not even respond to CBT at all.
Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3991981.stm
Something that affects both men and women is the concept of 'last one standing', where even by someone's late 20's, all their friends and acquaintances are in relationships, starting families and engaging with other couples, leaving them more isolated, less opportunities for blind dates, more alone and with a dwindling number of single people to meet.
And of course, some men may well just be asexual and aromantic.
Just a thought?
Having said that, asking me for relationship advice is kind of like asking Kerry Katona for financial advice.
Didn't Elkie Brooks sing about one called Pearl?
I think I am in this club now after another failed relationship and being cheated on (can I join if I'm a woman)?
£50 joining fee (£90 for couples).
Chances are, if you are a single woman, you will be stuck with some bloke's emotional baggage of 4 previous relationships with women divorced,with kids and a house getting each one pregnant, running out on them, cos he's a useless **** and on to the next, or Access weekends of some poor, damaged kids, hating you instead of the dad who messed them up because he can't actually grow up and wants a Mum in the form of partner.
My husband is a devoted video game player (he takes his holidays around releases of video games) and plays them as many hours a day or week as he pleases. He doesn't drink beer, but he could if he wanted.
And he and I won't be having children.
The secret to this - and I know this will come as a shock to some - is only to marry someone who has the same ideals, goals and life plans as you do.
That's just what my single son says. He loves his freedom to do what he wants when he wants. He had a bad experience with a girl a few years ago and has not wanted a serious relationship since then. She was very demanding and bossy and liked spending his money.
In a way I'd like him to settle down and maybe have kids but I think if he's happy that's all that matters really. He has a nice house and a very good job and expensive car. Most of his mates are married with several kids now and quite a few are really struggling financially.
I guess the most fanciable single guys will get picked up - but if you're not one of those then you're going to have to make an effort. And when you've been through failed relationships I guess you just stop thinking the effort is worth it.
My ex was like that - well, minus the money part - although the sheer cost is enough to put me off a committed relationship, as sad as that is.
Relationships really aren't all they are cracked up to be in my opinion.. okay - I assume some people do get lucky, but I seem to only ever end up with dependent worriers, whingers, depressives, moaners, arguers, naggers..
I don't need the hassle to be honest, I have a hard enough time looking after myself without having to worry about what a whole other person is doing and wants/needs.
Still waiting for a lovely independent liberal frugal hippy stoner like me though.. I just don't think she exists.
Ah I don't know. If you've had actual relationships in the past, you might be over qualified for the 'club'
Have you never thought of taking charge of life and going out to get what you want? It's what nearly everyone else does.